


Of Darkness and Light

by doozies



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Action, Ben - Freeform, Ben Solo - Freeform, Drama, F/M, FN-2187 - Freeform, Kylo, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Language, Lemon, Love, M/M, Rey - Freeform, Romance, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, Spoilers, Star Wars - Freeform, The Force Awakens, War, dark side, kiss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-12 06:30:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5656021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doozies/pseuds/doozies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren has turned himself into the Rebel alliance under the false impression that he has reformed in his ways. On a mission to defeat the New Republic, and Skywalker, he learns of love and sacrifice as he watches over the Jedi Rey. And he is torn, for now he does not know whether he is of darkness or of light. TFA continuation. Mature: Sexual content and language. Spoilers!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS. I wish I owned Reylo, but I don't. Sometimes, I dream of making Ren mine but those are just dreams *sobs*
> 
> Note: I am trash and I like it. In this story, Rey does not have any origins. She's a Jesus like Anakin. Also, the person that abandoned her will not be revealed in this story because I don't know, and I don't think I have the guts to make a character for that role. Finally, this story is not THAT smut heavy, but the chapter opens with it (its very light though, in my opinion). However, I will only use smut for plot in this story, not for fun.

 

**MISSION**

KYLO REN was dreaming of her again.

They were lying in bed. It was a comfortable, much unlike his cot on the Command Shuttle. Many pillows surrounded them, some of which were strewn on the floor after last night's activities. Ren, or in this case, Ben, felt like he was being hugged by clouds.

He could feel her in his arms. Her head was lying against his chest and shoulder, her breath fanning against his forearm as he stroked her hair. She didn't snore, but her breaths were heavy and he smiled when she tangled their legs together and pressed deeper into him. They were spooning, their bodies fitting together perfectly. He kept his eyes closed and sighed dreamily.

They stayed like that for what seemed like forever. He didn't open his eyes as he held her; he liked the way she felt against him, and his lack of sight heightened the sensation. He burned everywhere her naked body touched his, and it made him feel amazing. Then, she began to stir.

"You're breathing on me," she mumbled. She rubbed herself against him, making groan in delight, the sound vibrating deep within his chest.

"Does that bother you?" he whispered, kissing behind her ear. He let his tongue tease softly against the shell and he bit softly when he spoke. She shivered and he smiled as goose bumps littered her arms. She cuddled into him even more, caving her body so fully against his that he was sure they were one person now.

"We need to get up," she hummed, not bothering to answer his question. But she made no effort to move. In fact, she tightened the grip on his arms, the ones that were wrapped right under her breasts. Softly, she rubbed her foot against his leg, brushing over the invisible wound she gave him years ago when they dueled in the forests of Starkiller Base.

"The day doesn't start for a while," Ben droned lazily. "That means," he began, kissing his way from her forehead to her neck, "that we can have a little fun before the day starts, don't you think?" He licked a trail down to her collarbone and she mewed in pleasure, her hand tugging his jet black hair. She didn't bother to respond as he continued his assault.

His lover had a beautiful body, one that was lean and structured, molded from years of Jedi training and war. But softness hid beneath the muscles. There were curves and dips that made Ben's head spin every time he explored them. Although her waist and hips were one of his favorite destinations, he loved her collarbone more than anything else. There was something about that particular crevice that attracted his mouth. He felt like there were secrets there, ones that only he could hear as he bit into the skin softly.

"Come here," she whispered, scratching his scalp with her short nails. He smiled against her and raised his head to see her smiling back, her head twisted so her lips were accessible. She finally opened her beautiful blue eyes. The way they sparkled with mischief and joy almost took his breath away.

Bending forward, Ben kept his arms on either side of her, his hand sinking into the soft mattress as he put all his weight on them. Slowly, he lowered his head, pressing his lips against hers, his heart warming as she moaned softly.

Her lips were like home. They were always so warm and welcoming, soft and plush. He loved the initial contact, the way they would eagerly respond to him, drawing him closer. He loved the way he could manipulate them, opening her mouth with a gentle bite. He loved how hot her mouth was and how she would breath into him. He loved the way her tongue would reach out and lick his shyly before hiding itself, aware that he would always seek after it.

He loved her.

She groaned as he began to suck on her bottom lip. They adjusted themselves so that they were aligned on top of one another, his weight pressing ever so slightly against her lower half. She enjoyed it and wrapped her arm around his waist, her fingertips trailing softly against his back as he moved against her, causing delicious friction.

"Do you think we have time?" she asked, breathless as his hand went under the cover to feel her. He didn't bother to answer. He simply didn't care. All he cares about was the fact that she was wet and ready and he was hard and eager. Ben positioned himself and kissed her again and she laughed against his mouth. This irked him a little.

"What?" he grunted as he began to move into her. No matter how many times they did this, he always waited a second for her to adjust, to re-familiarize herself with him. He never minded; he loved the way she would tighten around him.

"I see we're skipping foreplay," she giggled breathlessly, eyes rolling to the back of her head as she arched upwards. Her legs were wrapped tightly against his waist, and she locked her feet together.

"Didn't seem like you needed it," he smirked as he moved himself inside her. He let his other hand trail into her. She had already dug her nails into his shoulders and scratched him violently: not enough to draw blood, but enough for him to hiss in pain.

He groaned as the noises she made became desperate and wild. He could feel the end building up inside him and he moved more vigorously against her, adamant for her finish. "Rey," he moaned.

Then, he woke up.

Kylo Ren gasped, his hand clutching his chest where his racing heart threatened to fly out. There was a twitch in his pants and he closed his eyes, annoyed and disgusted with himself. Getting up, Ren treaded awkwardly to the bathroom and turned on the shower, sticking his arm out to ensure that it was cold. Cursing himself, he walked towards the sink and splashed water on his face. He stared at himself in the mirror as he tried to regain his breath.

There was never a pattern to the dreams; they would happen haphazardly. He had been quite relieved over the past few weeks, seeing as how he had managed to evade them. But he had to admit that his nights without her in his dreams were restless. He would toss and turn in misery while he waited for slumber to cocoon his consciousness into a world of power, darkness and hate.

But this dream was perhaps the worst, most vivid and wonder one yet. Out of all the dreams he'd had of that scavenger scum, none could compare with the raw and adulterated dream he just had. And a part of him loved it.

He cursed again and glared at his reflection, his eyes pitch black.

Four years passed since the battle of Starkiller Base. Four years passed since he had been wounded, a scar on his face as a permanent reminder. Four years passed since she stained him with her feelings.

Four years.

"Damn you," he whispered to no one, still out of breath. Clenching his teeth, he stripped out of his clothes and got in the shower. The icy water burned his skin, but he welcomed the pain, relishing at the power it gave him when he masked it with the Dark Side.

It was only in the shower that he could slip away from her. She always invaded his mind. He could feel her throughout the day, even if he didn't want to. Sporadically, feelings of peace and happiness and pride would wash over him, and he knew these feelings were not his own.

Somehow, they were connected by the Force. Although he was incapable of reading her thoughts or sensing her location, he could always experience her emotions. It would have been easy to put up a Force wall and ignore the sensations, but he never did.

"You need to find everything you can about Skywalker's Padawan," Snoke's apparition told him when the young apprentice came to his master for instruction. "Don't kick her out. Simply push the feelings aside. But wait for her walls to crumble and drink her mind in."

But she never let the walls fall and Kylo Ren hated feeling her. He hated the small presence she had in his mind. He hated that she was the cause, and main affection, of his damned dreams.

The dreams began a year ago, after the fight he had with her in Ahch-To in which she severely maimed him. He raised his robotic hand and stared at it as the memory washed over him. The fight happened the morning after Rey had communicated with Ren, using the Force in a failed attempt to seduce him away from the Dark Side.

Or so he thought.

Still, Kylo Ren relished at her failure. He looked up at the shower head and smiled, the water pattering against his face like frost bite. Since that time, he had only grown stronger, and his love for the Dark Side had only strengthened.

It was night when she did it. Ren tossed restlessly in his bed as sleep evaded him. Snoke had just told him that his training as an apprentice of the Dark Side was complete and that he, Kylo Ren, was now a Dark Lord. He should have been overjoyed at this fact, and even more so when Snoke reassured that Ren was so much stronger than Darth Vader ever was.

Yet the achievement did not feel as it should have. It felt tainted and recklessly obtained. Despite the sweat and blood he had poured into this title, it just didn't feel right.

He couldn't dwell too much on the feeling, for suddenly, the Force expanded to him and his blood chilled.

'Hello Ben,' the scavenger's sweet voice drifted in his head. His initial reaction was to kick her out, but he stopped himself, recalling Snoke's order.

'What do you want?' he seethed. He heard her amusement and took that moment to search deeper in her mind, but she Forced him out.

'Tsk, tsk Solo,' she berated, well aware of how much he despised that name, 'I want to have a conversation and all you want is to violate my mind. That's not how you should treat a lady.'

Now it was his turn to be amused. 'You want to have a conversation?' he mocked. He too could feel her searching his mind and just like her, he Forced her away. 'Yeah, right.'

'Alright, so maybe I want to know some stuff too,' she admitted, 'but that doesn't mean I don't want to have a conversation.'

'About what,' he grumbled, turning over in his bed. The thin sheet he called a blanket was balled at his feet and he threw his shirt off. It became too hot in his chamber, and the warm feelings she emanated weren't helping.

'I was bored, and there aren't many people I can talk to.'

'So you're alone,' Ren mocked. 'You're always abandoned, aren't you?'

A flash of anger and hurt stung his skin and he smiled victoriously. However, the sensation dissipated just as quickly as it came and Rey laughed airily.

'I guess I am. But I don't blame them; I'm too wonderful. Being around me for too long can make people feel inadequate.'

She was cocky and he liked it. Scowling at himself, he pushed this hidden thought away and placed his attention on her mind, searching for barriers. He needed to know where she was; he knew she was training with Skywalker. It was likely that her Master had put her up to this, and that only annoyed Ren.

'As I recall, you could barely wield a saber.'

'As I recall,' she countered, 'I managed to hurt you. Tell me, how is your leg? Does your face have a scar?'

Ren scowled. Although there was a deep scar that ran through his face, and his leg sometimes burned when he exerted himself too much, he had forgotten how he received those wounds, and it was mostly due to disbelief.

'That won't happen again, I can promise you that. The next person that could be hurt at the least is you. That's if I don't kill you,' he scathed, each word dripping with despise and promise.

'Just as you killed Han?' she threw at him cruelly. 'Although, I can imagine you won't put up an act before killing me. I feel like you'll be straight to the point.'

If she had spoken those words to him three years ago, Kylo Ren would be shaking. The act of killing his father, although liberating, had given him nightmares for weeks. It took most of Snoke's efforts to try and quench most of the regret and self loathing inside his young apprentice.

'You thought that would faze me? You're foolish, you scavenger scum. When I kill you, I'll be sure to do it through the back. I wouldn't want to see your despicable face.'

'Well that's not a nice thing to say to someone. Just so you know, my name is Rey, not scum.' If she felt disappointed or angry about the result of his words, she didn't show it.

'I don't not care for your name. I don't feel as if you deserve the respect of having me utter it. Besides, you might fall in love with me. I've been told that my voice is quite sexy.' Ren smiled at the particular memory. When he had captured the Force sensitive girl and accessed her mind, he could recall her fleeting thought on his voice and face.

It was quite flattering.

'What's a sexy voice when someone has a horrible personality and a slightly deformed face?' Rey mused. Ren glared into the darkness at her remark. 'But that's beside the points.'

'And what is the point?'

'I wanted to ask you a question.'

'What is your question?'

There was a pause and her mind filled with so much peace that it made Ren sick. And then she began to speak, her voice so angelic that it gave him chills.

'Why did you destroy all the Jedi's? They were so young. And why did you destroy Master Skywalker's dream? What was so good about the Dark Side that you'd kill your own father?'

They were heavy questions: questions Kylo Ren had never thought to reason. He swallowed thickly, his body heavy. Then he snarled as he realized what she was doing. This Jakku girl was quite remarkable at masking what occupied her mind, but he could see her intentions and he refused to be used.

So his answer came out malicious and horrid, the way he liked it.

'Father? What father? You mean the one that sent me away when I was young? The one that never visited me? And those other children—they didn't even know much. They would have grown up to be weak Jedis anyways, and would have died easily in combat. It wasn't much of a loss to the balance of the Force. And Master Skywalker?' Ren shook his head as he thought of his pitiful uncle and former master. 'He ran away like a coward after what I did. How could he still be a Master Jedi?'

She shook with anger, his words striking a cord she didn't even know existed. He could feel her rage bubbling inside his stomach and electrifying his cells. He knew his words were shocking. She had expected him to break down, to cry as he spoke of how much he regretted his actions. He saw it in her mind. He saw how she imagined him blubbering in remorse and coming forth to the Light.

But she didn't know. She thought she knew him, she thought there was good inside him, but she didn't know. She didn't know what he did to himself over the years to overcome that weak part of himself. The doubtful part.

She was weak, just like the rest of the Jedi's. She masked herself in peace and selflessness, allowing the Light Side of the Force to guide her as she suppressed and washed away her anger. But her anger was great; it was hot and thirsty. It was a power to reckon with and Ren savored the feeling coursing through him.

If she would only let him train her, they could defeat Snoke and become leaders of the universe together.

'I will never do that,' she snarled as she read his thought.

That was when she let it slip. A wall in her mind became weak and Ren attacked and cackled as he read it. He knew where they were.

'Thank you Rey. I'll be happy to see you tomorrow,' he said as he got up from his bed and quickly got dressed to deliver the news to Supreme Leader Snoke.

'Don't do it,' Rey pleaded with him, desperation in her voice as she realized her mistake. He could feel the fear in her voice and he glorified when the feeling sunk into his bones, testifying his victory over her. 'I know there is good in you. Even General Leia—'

She wasn't able to finish. Kylo Ren forced her violently out of his head and rushed down the hall to give orders to the pilot, burning all thoughts of his birth mother.

'I have found them Supreme Leader,' he communicated. Just moments ago, Kylo Ren was simply a Dark Lord. Now he was a Dark Lord that was going to defeat Master Jedi Luke Skywalker, and thus made him giddy like a little school girl.

'Good,' Snoke praised, 'you have done well my apprentice.'

Within a few hours, the First Order had arrived at Ahch-To to find that Skywalker was once again gone, and the army of the rebellion was waiting for them.

You work quickly, Ren thought to Rey. His thought didn't go through to her, the defenses in her mind stronger than ever. He couldn't feel her. It was a little lonely in his mind, but he didn't care if it meant having her surrender as a consolation prize.

Although she had closed communication with him, Ren would ensure that she felt him. He wanted her scared and weak, so he projected all his anger and hatred to her. She could block the feeling all she wanted, but he knew she would taste it in the air and this, he was hoping, would crack her conviction a little.

He went to the forest as the rest of the Knights of Ren and the Clones engaged in battle. He knew she would follow him and leave her friends to fight off the strongest army in all the galaxies.

To leave your friends to die, he thought to her, cackling. Once again, the thought didn't go through.

"I'm not surprised to see you here," he remarked after a while, his voice coming out mechanical and distorted through his helmet. His back was facing her, but his saber was out, conscious and ready.

"I am. I was hoping you wouldn't come," she whispered softly. Her voice was like wind chimes, and he felt an unfamiliar pang in his chest. He ignored it.

"You're so foolish, letting slip such vital information. Now you're beloved Skywalker is gone, running away like he always does," Ren mocked, turning to face her. He ignored the feeling of satisfaction that came through him at the sight of her. She looked different from last time. Confident, ready and, dare he think it, slightly sexy. His anger tactic hadn't worked, and this only seemed to make him even more angry. "You must be even more lonely."

Her jaws were set, the bones popping out as she ground her teeth together, her hand tense on her inactivated saber. Those were the only two indications she gave of being nervous. The rest of her was calm and he hated it.

Those damned Jedis and their pitiful ways.

"Ben, there is time to turn away from this. We're going to defeat you, and you know it. You know that this was a trap," she said softly. "Do you think that after three years of training to be a Jedi I would accidentally let a part of my mind become defenseless just because of some stupid words you said?"

But Ren shook his head and he twirled his lightsaber in his hand, laughing cruelly into the hot air while he circled her like prey. "The fear you felt, you can't fake that," he laughed again. "Not even the Force itself can manipulate feelings like that."

Rey looked at him with such pity that it made Kylo Ren's resolve falter, and a grain panic floated to his mind. "I think you and I both know how powerful I am, so to say that it's impossible is a bit far-fetched." she circled around him as well, tilting her head to the side, an arrogant smile on her face. "Perhaps you simply are incapable of doing so?"

Ren growled and didn't hesitate as he rushed to attack her, and her custom blue saber was already out, ready and sizzling. Her teeth were bared as deflected his anger and Force. The flash of bewilderment in her beautiful told him that she underestimated him.

"You are not more powerful than me," Ren shouted, breathing heavy through the mask.

"We'll see," Rey smiled as she pushed him back, using the Force. Then things began to shake.

They fought for what seemed like hours, but was perhaps only five minutes. Trees were thrown around and smashed against other trees, causing the ground to quake. Lightsabers flashed this-way-and-that as they tried to attack one another, getting a cut here and there.

But she was strong—too strong. It was almost unreal how powerful she was, how she manipulated the Force to do as she willed. It was as if he was fighting five Jedi's at once, but he was up for the task. He was breathless and hurt, his arm bleeding, another cut permeated on his face, but he persevered, damaging her too.

He had battled Snoke, and he had always survived. This was nothing.

Or so he thought.

As if in slow motion, her saber came down on his hand, the one that was holding his weapon so tightly. He screamed as it moved slowly, cutting through skin, muscles and bones, tearing away at his very being. She breathed heavy as he fell to his knee, clutching his arm, looking upon her with horror and rage. His mask had come off a while ago, having been slashed through. His face was bare to her and he swallowed as he felt the heat of her saber just under his nose. She stared at him with sadness.

"There is good in you Ben," she whispered, withdrawing her sword. She knew he wouldn't attack her; he couldn't. She could feel his pain, almost as if it were her own, and she had to stop it.

"Don't call me that!" he shouted in agony. And there she was once more in his mind, filling the void. And he felt it. The calm. The peace. The hope that he would be good.

Rey never let the anger and fear consumed her, and he abhorred her for it.

She didn't say anything as she stared at him. She took tentative steps towards him, her saber already at her side and deactivated. Kylo Ren swallowed thickly as he tried to use the Force to ignore the pain but failed, the wound too immense. He panicked as the Jakku Jedi came to stand in front of him. He wished he could fight her off, to slit her head in half, to drive his sword into her heart and rip it out of her chest.

Rey bent forward, her eyes leveled with his and placed her bare hand on his open wound and he howled until he felt nothing—she took the pain away.

"The Light is always better at fixing things than the Dark," she whispered to him as her face got closer. She gasped and wheezed as she felt the pain of her own wounds. She was almost drained of all her energy.

Before he could say anything or react, she looked into his eyes and he was sucked into the blue orbs. And then, she did the impossible.

She let her lips brush against his ever so slightly, taking his bottom lip into hers. She applied pressure for a second before she got up and ran away. His mind bubbled in disgust, but his heart was coated in joy.

He had never experienced something so soft before in his life.

That was the moment the war was over. The Starkiller planet the First Order had re-built for the umpteenth time was once again destroyed and half of the First Order and Resistance forces had died. Kylo Ren laid on the green Earth until Phasma found him and called the medical ship, his lips swollen and red with the memory of the kiss.

She didn't need to tell him that they had been defeated, but she did have to tell him that the First Order was still very much alive and vengeful.

Snapping away from the memory, Ren turned off the water and got out of the shower, shivering but more relaxed. His lips tingled and he bit it until he tasted blood.

She thought the war was over, he thought as he grabbed a towel and dried his hair. She's wrong.

The Starkiller that the Resistance had destroyed was only a decoy. Somehow, Snoke had known what the Rebel's were planning since the very beginning, and he had also known that Rey had set a trap for Ren. He simply used this to his advantage. The real Starkiller was still under construction, and within the next year it would be complete and ready for domination. Barely anyone knew about this, and the Dark Lord prided himself at being one of the few.

As Ren got dressed, there came a knock on his door.

"Who is there?" he snarled, annoyed that he was being bothered this early in the morning. General Hux huffed at the other end.

"Supreme Leader Snoke would like to speak with you. Be there in five minutes."

Putting his helmet on, and slipping on black gloves for his mechanical hand, he rushed out of his room and into the chambers where he communicated with Snoke.

"Supreme Leader, you called for me," Dark Lord Ren bowed respectfully at the holograph.

"Yes I did. I have a mission for you, Kylo Ren, one that you must succeed in," the large figure gave a disgusting smile, his hands clasped in front of him and he analyzed the tiny Force wielder.

"Of course Supreme Leader," Kylo Ren repeated, bowing as Snoke continued.

"Your mission is to infiltrate the Rebels and become a spy for me. They have created the New Republic, and I need to know their weaknesses. Within the next year, they will attempt to kill me and destroy the First Order. They have someone on the inside, someone I have yet to find, and I need to know what they know and who they know. We must make sure that the construction of the Starkiller does not get ruined, and you must gather information about the most influential planets to destroy. We must also ensure the death of Skywalker. And your final task, young Kylo Ren, is to seduce the young Padawan, Rey, and make her fall in love with you, and with that, you will bring her to the dark side. Do you understand is what I'm saying, young apprentice?"

It took a second for Ren to speak. "So you want me to surrender? To pretend as if I'm part of the Light?" Snoke nodded his head and the Dark Lord looked down in shame. "I do not think I am ready to take on this mission, Supreme Leader."

"You are and you will. You are stronger than Vader. You are ready." But there was still doubt in his eyes. "You defeated Han Solo, and you've trained yourself over the last year to destroy Skywalker. You're ready. Just follow my teachings, and you'll succeed."

Swallowing, Kylo Ren nodded and the mission began.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hi! This is my first attempt at a real story. I'm kind of excited for this. All the Reylo stuff on Tumblr has made me way too hyped for this. This is un-edited so I'm sorry! If there is an beta out there that would like to work with me, feel free to private message me, or if you see any mistakes (i.e. huge grammar errors, contradictions, things that just don't feel right), feel free to tell me! Anyways, kudos and comment what you think? Thank you :D


	2. Seeing the Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars and I wish I did. Or at least, I wish I owned Oscar Isaac. But that's slavery and I'm so against slavery *but he's just so yummy LYKn HOW?!*
> 
> Note: Okay, so I just discovered that Ren is thirty years old and Rey is only like nineteen or twenty during TFA (so now he's thirty-four and she's twenty-four). A lot of people don't like this, but I don't see it as a big deal. One, because Jedi's live a long time, so thirty years really isn't that big of a deal, and I'm a firm believer that women mature faster than men so yeah. Another thing is that: don't worry about Finn and Rey. My plan for this story is to have Finn and Poe together but of course, it won't be immediate or easy. There was obviously some romanticness in the seventh movie, he and Rey had some feelings together. But again: Finn x Poe #5eva

**SEEING THE LIGHT**

REY was going to kill BB-8.

"I swear if you don't stop beeping that song, I will personally escort you to Jakku so that Unkar Plutt can buy your parts and dismantle them at his leisure," the young Padawan chided, masking her annoyance behind a calm tone. The astromech droid backed away from the girl and beeped.

"Don't you get sassy with her, BB," Poe Dameron teased, coming towards the aircraft. Rey looked up at the young pilot and smiled as he teased her. He liked her smile; it was bright, like Finn's. "She could probably destroy your motherboard with just one thought."

"Yeah," Rey grinned, polishing the side of her T-70 X-Wing starfighter. "You never know what the Force might do." Giggling, she lifted the robot ever so slightly off the ground. BB-8 began to freak out, rolling his lower-body in the air helplessly. Poe laughed. She let BB-8 down and the droid beeped out some not-so-very kind words before hiding on the other side of the space craft.

"Dameron, what brings you here?" Rey asked, turning her attention to the handsome man leaning against her starfighter. She had to bite her lip in order to stop herself yelling at him; he was ruining the polish work she had just done on that side. "I thought you were on a mission. They said it would last a while."

Her tone was resentful. The Rebels didn't approve of Rey going on the mission, stating that she was too precious to lose over a simple undertaking such as confirming the location of the Starkiller. That, and when they announced the mission, they had intentionally left her out, ensuring that she couldn't volunteer.

"It ended early," Poe frowned, running a hand through his gorgeously disheveled hair.

"Oh yeah? Another false lead?" the pilot grunted in affirmation and she smiled sympathetically as he began to explain what happened.

A year passed since the Battle of Ahch-To, but the remnants of the fight polluted the spirits of those in the New Republic. Master Jedi Luke Skywalker had disappeared once again, but this time, he didn't leave a trace of his whereabouts. No one knew if he would come back to help the Resistance, and he never mentioned such when he spoke with Rey the night of his departure.

"Your training as my Padawan is complete," he whispered softly. He and Rey were eating dinner around a weak fire. It was already hot and humid on the planet of Ahch-To and all she could feel was the heat. Famished, she was inattentive to his words.

"Excuse me?" Rey replied nonchalantly, grabbing her water and chugging.

"You're a Jedi now Rey," he told her, a sad smile gracing his aged face. She looked at him confused, not understanding what he meant for a moment.

Then, she dropped her food.

"Are you nuts?" were the first thing she said, her eyes wide. She was not ready to be a Jedi, a being dedicated the serving others, who projected characteristics of obedience, selflessness, and strong-will. She needed him and his guidance.

"I can guarantee that I am indeed not nuts," he gave a hearty laugh and he stared at her, hands on his knees. The fire dwindled, but neither made a motion to rekindle it. They descended into darkness, the twinkling of the planets above them their only source of light. He could barely make out her face.

"Master Skywalker," Rey began, choking on the hot air. She knew what this meant, and it made her heart squeeze. The thought of being abandoned rushed to her mind, and memories of those years in Jakku, waiting and hoping for that one person to return, only to have them absent, made her heart clench painfully.

"I know you are frightened," he told her gently. He wanted to reach over comfort her, but this would be too deceptive, so he kept to himself and continued. "You must not be. You are ready to conquer the First Order, and I believe you will succeed. The Force is on your side Rey, always remember that."

"Master Skywalker," she repeated, breathless, "I know I'm not ready. You told me not two weeks ago that I had much to learn about the Force, and that my combat training can be refined even more and that—"

He stopped her rushed words, raising his hand. She bit harshly on her bottom lip, tasting the rustic blood. She forced tears away from her eyes. "Those are things I cannot help you master. You must practice and be patient. Besides," he gave a short snort, "I'm sure there are some fools that could use combat training in the Resistance." She didn't laugh and he sighed, saddened by her lack of reaction.

He was hoping this would be a lot less emotional.

What did you expect Luke? he berated himself. All her life she has been alone and abandoned. What you're doing is no different.

But she had to understand, he reasoned. She had to understand the greater purpose and if she didn't, then she'd simply feel pain.

"In all seriousness Rey," Luke inched closed to her, "you are ready for this. We must move forth in our plans. Postponing will only hurt the New Republic. We don't want that, do we?" Rey shook her head slowly. "Good, then its settled. Tonight we will commence with Code YE-23."

Although she had been told of the code many times, having studied every part of it, having trained diligently for it, Rey did not feel ready. No matter how many mind exercises her and Master Skywalker had engaged in, no matter how much combat and Force training she underwent, she didn't feel prepared, and no amount of reassurance would erase that clot of doubt tainting her mind.

Rey's chest tightened and she did something she was sure was not allowed in the Jedi code.

She hugged the shit out of Luke Skywalker.

"I'm going to miss you!" she sobbed against his shoulder. She knew she should have controlled her self more but Rey was scared out of her mind. What if she messed up? What would that mean for the Resistance and the New Republic? What would that mean for her? And the galaxies—they were depending on her. If she failed, what would that mean for them? What about the Force? Would the Dark Side finally prevail?

"Oh young Padawan, you need not worry," Luke whispered soothingly, patting her head gently as she cried. He could feel her worries and fear, and it shook him a little at how great they were. "It is okay to let yourself have fear and sadness, but you must not let those feelings consume you. They can drive your emotions and make you do things you never thought of doing.

"You must not think of the outcomes in the future; focus only on the present. Pay attention on how you will execute the plan, not how it will turn out. You must try your hardest, and the hardest is all anyone can ask for.

"With a clear mind and good intent, there is no way you'll fail my young Padawan. You'll succeed, I know it. The Force is with you." The Master Jedi stepped away from the crying girl and waved sadly at her, his voice filled with affection. "I will be there when you truly need me, Rey. Always remember that." With that, he was gone.

Suppressing the feeling of loneliness, Rey dried her face, sniffed and balled her fist in resolve, moving to the edge of the cliff for meditation, the plan only hours away from initiate.

Code YE-23 was a protocol designed by the former princess, and now General, Leia Organa. The protocol required Rey to deceive the First Order, and the only means of doing so was through Kylo Ren. She would use the Force in order to communicate with him via thoughts, and then she would bring him and his army to planet Ahch-To under the impression that Luke Skywalker was with her.

In preparation for this code, under Master Skywalker's orders, Rey had kept a part of her Force open with Ben for years. The purpose was to build up a trust within Ben, so that on the night Rey would attempt to communicate, he would not shut her out completely.

The Padawan and her Master had practiced the manipulation of mind waves with the Force. They were painfully long practices. She had to differentiate between verbal thoughts and everything else. Only a small portion of her mind would be open to the Dark Lord, and the rest had to be concealed.

It was hard, but she finally mastered it after two years.

When she would converse with Ben, giving him a misguided notion that she wanted to change him, Rey would allow the apprentice of the Dark Side to "accidentally" access her mind and see her whereabouts. The self denounced Solo would then come to Rey under the deceptive impression that Skywalker would be on that planet, and the First Order leader would bring an army, well aware that it would require an army in order to kill the Master Jedi and his Padawan. This would leave the defense around Starkiller weak enough for Poe and the rest of the pilots to detonate the planet. With Supreme Leader Snoke inside it too, the war would finally end.

The code had succeeded; the First Order army had not found Master Skywalker, and instead faced hundreds of Resistance fighters, waiting and watching. Poe had fired the explosive shot to the star, Finn and Chewie were destroying Storm troopers, and Rey—she had seen Kylo Ren slip out of his ship, deflecting any and all beams aimed his way as he walked into the forest. She knew that he knew Skywalker wasn't there, just like he knew that she would follow him.

The New Republic's victory was short-lived. An insider from the First Order had left them a message: The Resistance had been deceived.

Snoke knew of Code YE-23, and had created that Starkiller intentionally as a decoy for the real one. He was, sadly, alive and well and gaining more power than anyone could ever imagine, controlling planets and governments with just the whisper of his name.

When the Resistance inquired on the whereabouts of the real Starkiller, the anonymous tipper was reluctant to admit that, even though they had much access to the First Order and all of its activities, this information was so classified, they had only just discovered it a few days prior to informing the New Republic. Snoke was careful in who he told the plans to, and details were barely shed. He suspected someone helping the enemy, and if he found out who, he would silence them.

And silence them he did. Now the Resistance were working with baseless information as the search for the Starkiller continued.

Poe was still talking to Rey and she listened halfheartedly. He was animated as he spoke, his eyes sparkling as he narrated his escape from the First Order's band of TIE fighters.

Suddenly, her arm began to burn. Glancing down at the light scar on her forearm, Rey clenched her teeth as her nerves began to move erratically and the memory of how she obtained it crawled into her mind.

It happened during the fight with Kylo Ren on the planet of Ahch-To. Although she was accustomed to referring to the Dark Lord as Ben Solo, when they fought in that humid forest, he was the ruthless murder Kylo Ren. The mask was his façade, and Rey indulged his fantasy of following in his grandfather's footsteps.

When she saw him go into the forest, Rey hesitated to follow. It wasn't because she didn't want to leave her friends; one glance at the sky and she knew Poe was doing fine, and Finn had already taken cover as he attacked the onslaught of Storm Troopers with Chewie.

It was because something felt wrong.

Kylo Ren's presence brought an imbalance. Her stomach turned and her blood ran cold. Stopping dead on her tracks, the young woman from Jakku clutched her heart and gasped as she felt an overwhelming emotion wash over her.

Anger.

The rage contaminated the air, palpable and vicious. The atmosphere was so consumed by it that it took Rey a while before she could move again. Her body shook involuntarily as she made her way to Dark Lord Ren. Her hand, which had previously been steady, quivered as it found their place by her side, grasping her lightsaber tightly. Her breaths were uneven.

All she could feel was anger.

It was difficult for her to manage through the feeling. Although Rey knew of anger, having experienced the feeling every now and then, it had never been to this degree. Even then, during those moments in which the vile feeling would contaminate her heart, her Jedi training taught her how to transform the fury into serenity.

It was difficult for her to do that now.

But right now, it was all she could taste and smell. It was as if Kylo Ren intentionally manipulated the Force to suffocate her with his anger. He was strong—no powerful. So much so that fear began to creep into Rey's heart as she tried, and failed, to push his feelings out. She felt like a child, uncoordinated and reckless, walking into a room full of knives. One wrong move and she'd be stabbed; or worse, killed.

The fear should have taken control of her. She was overwhelmed, on the brink of a panic attack as all the ugliest feelings she had fought so hard against came rushing at her. It should have clouded her mind until she saw nothing and felt nothing. But, as she took slow steps towards the man, treading light imprints on the muddy ground, it didn't.

There was a desperation in her, one that she could not let go of. It had nothing to do with saving the galaxy or the New Republic. It had nothing to do with what Master Skywalker had taught her and what she believed to be right. It had nothing to do with her desire to survive and crush the Dark Side.

Rey of Jakku wanted to go back home. She wanted to go to the dessert, to feel the sun bake against her skin, and to live off food scrapings. She wanted this so desperately if it meant she could see that person again, and she wasn't going to let this murderer ruin everything she had sacrificed.

So, the young Jedi became calm. Although the anger and fear was chanting beautiful to her, seducing her, tangling its veins around her heart and soul, Rey let peace consume her. She breathed in and out. She thought of the ocean, the waves crashing rhythmically against the shore. She thought of an island, of family and love. Her hand steady and so does her body. She thought of her friends and the joy that had come to her over the past three years from learning the ways of the Jedi. Then, she is completely calm and happy.

She could almost hear Master Skywalker's claps of approval and Masters Yoda and Kenobi's words of praise. A small smile fell on her lips.

Don't fear, she told herself. Never fear.

With that, she took one final steps towards Kylo Ren and she heard him smile. The smile, although she couldn't see it, was filled with so much loathing that Rey was at awe. She could not conceive how this man could hold such strong and vile emotions inside him without self-destructing.

She did not let this phase her, though. She continued to approach Dark Lord Ren with calmness, deflecting the feelings he pushed on her.

They exchanged a few words before the real fight began.

He was furious with every strike he made, and if she hadn't prepared herself for this, Jedi Rey would have been easily defeated.

"He will hit you with everything he has," Master Kenobi hissed into the air, appearing before her as a hologram when Ren stroke her arm, almost causing her to shout in pain and fear. "All he has is anger and hate. You cannot indulge."

Then, Master Yoda appeared beside him. "A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack."

They were gone and she focused solely on defending herself even though the blood sliding down her arm sang for vengeance and anger.

Wherever his saber moved, she moved, praying that it wouldn't hurt her again. And just like that, he made a mistake, and it was just a split second error—perhaps it happened in a smaller amount of time than that, but he was unguarded and unmoving. And she was blinded.

The rage and hatred he had, the fear that she thought she had turned into peace, bflowed through in that final attack. She could hear the bones as they tore away from his body, and she saw his saber still grasped tightly against the disembodied ligament. He howled in agony.

She didn't know what to do. She remembered Master Skywalker talking to her about mistakes—how sometimes, Jedi's weren't perfect, although they ought to be.

You'll hurt someone and you aren't meant to, and that's okay, he told her. Don't let the regret eat you alive. More mistakes will arise from this. Simply work to fix it if you can and move on. You cannot dwell on the past. You cannot think of the future. Simply focus on the present.

So she projected feelings of peace, and this only seemed to enrage Kylo Ren, his eyes pitch black and gleaming. Rey's heart tightened. She could feel him trying to use the Force to ignore the pain—to make it go away somehow, but it wasn't working.

Taking a risk, her pulse vibrating in her ears, she went to him and placed her hand over his open wound, pushing away the satisfaction that arose when he screeched in pain.

"The Light is always better at fixing things than the Dark," she whispered. She put her face closer to his, and the effort to help him left her gasping and wheezing as the pain of her wound became evident. She was almost drained of all her energy.

Then she just stopped, their faces an inch from each other, and without thinking, she leaned forward.

When Rey was a child, she had heard many fairytales of princesses being rescued by wonderful Jedis and them falling in love and living a happily ever after. Although she now knew these stories to be false, seeing as how Jedis were not permitted to fall in love, she was always fascinated by them.

The one aspect that interested her the most about the stories was their kiss. The story tellers in Jakku never went into great length about the kiss, but she knew it had to be something special. It was the kiss that would change everything—it woke the princess up, it changed the monster into a Jedi, and it made them realize that there was goodness in the world.

Perhaps it was her desire to change Kylo Ren into Ben Solo that caused her to lean over and press her lips to his. Perhaps it was her wish to find some good in this man that General Leia loved so much and Han Solo had sacrificed himself to. Perhaps it was her selfishness that want to be the one to help a mend his pain.

Or perhaps she was giving in to the carnal attraction she obviously felt for the cruel man.

It had been a light kiss: a simple touch of the lips. His mouth was chapped and rough against hers, but it didn't bother her as she caressed his face softly and closed her eyes.

Nothing changed in her when she kissed him—it wasn't one of those magical moments where she realized she was in love with him. When it was over she left him, her heart beating fast, her arm bleeding out and her lips burning.

"Rey! Poe!" a voice shouted, breaking the young Jedi away from her daze. She noticed that Poe was no longer speaking with her and instead was crouched on the floor, talking with BB-8. She winced; it was obvious she hadn't been listening to a word he was saying.

Before she could quickly apologize to Dameron, the former Storm Trooper rushed to them with wide eyes and flared nostrils, shock evident in his face. Rey felt something weird in the Force, as if someone powerful was here.

Did Skywalker come back, she thought for a moment. She knew this not to be true—Rey wouldn't be feeling this uneasy if her Master was back

I haven't felt like this since, she began to think and then her heart froze just as Finn spoke.

"Kylo Ren—Ben Solo—whatever the hell his name is. He's here," his lips quivered. "He's turned himself into the New Republic and has denounced the First Order."

"Where the hell is he?" she all but growled, her pulse beating against her veins erratically.

"Over here," Finn waved them over and they followed him, jogging to the entrance of the base.

There he stood.

He did not have his mask on, but the hood of his cloak was drawn over his head. Rey's heart stilled for a moment as she stared upon his handsome face. It was bitter for her to admit, but he was very handsome. With jet black hair that reached up to his shoulders, a strong jaw, and eyes framed by beautiful eyelashes, she felt like he could have been one of those Jedis in the fairytales.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered in disbelief, swallowing the bile that rose quickly in her throat. She didn't have to ask—she knew, she heard it herself from Finn. But she couldn't believe it; even though his mind was closed off, she hadn't feel the change in the Force. He was still embedded in the Dark Side.

His eyes moved to her. They are a chocolate brown, and it startled Rey when she looked in them. They were beautiful.

"I've had a change of heart," he mumbled, a small smile on his face. He lifted an eyebrow at her, challenging. Rey kept her mouth shut. She couldn't say anything. Even if she was Force sensitive, and even if he had a change of heart, there was no way he could have a sudden change, right? He had been too deep in the Dark Side.

It would take a while, she reassured herself. But why did she still feel so uneasy.

Rather than speaking, Rey turned away, leaving the guards and Poe to deal with him. Rushing to her room, she locked herself in, finally able to breath.

She was shaken. Although she had thought it, although she had wished it, Rey had never imagined it. She could have never conceived Ben Solo coming back to fight with the Resistance under the Light Side.

More so, she couldn't believe how unbelievably attracted she was to him. How her body seemed to freeze, her heart thrashing unevenly, and her blood running cold.

She had felt it during their first meeting in the interrogation room of his Command Shuttle. When he revealed his face to her, she had felt the electricity pulse through her, but having been afraid for her life, she hadn't thought much of that moment.

The same went for when they fought. It was a matter of life and death—she wouldn't let her mind delve into petty issues over how pretty he was and how that made her feel.

But now here they were. He was turning himself in, denouncing his ways as the Dark Lord. Rey swallowed and cursed.

The former scavenger based it on a purely physical attraction. She knew she didn't like him for who he was. Even if he claimed to have reformed, he was still vile in her mind. Plus, she liked Finn. Kind, sweet and charming Finn.

Oh what am I thinking, she scolded herself. Rey had no right to like or care for anyone in a romantic way. She was a Jedi, and it was against her moral code to do so. Examples have been set forth to prove how wrong things turn out if emotions were entangled. Anakin Skywalker, the great Darth Vader, the man Kylo Ren idolized, was proof of this.

However, there was also Luke Skywalker, who's love for Leia and Han had helped him overcome the Dark Side. His desperation to be good and save the galaxy, to make them proud, had turned him away from such a tempting Force.

Those weren't romantic feelings, though, she commented. Those were friendly. What you're thinking of with Finn and Ben, those are romantic.

Rey cursed and pulled her hair, throwing herself face forward on the bed and screeching into the pillow. She honestly wished didn't feel attracted to Ben Solo.

But good Forces, he had a jaw made from the heavens.

What drew him to the Dark Side anyways? she thought for a moment, bringing her face up from suffocation.

He had not been in a relationship with someone at the time of his conversion, not that anyone knew of. Perhaps it was because of the power the Dark Side offered? Everyone wanted power, even Rey.

Shaking her head, Rey began to breath in deeply, clearing her mind. No more thoughts about Ben Solo, no more thoughts about Finn. No more thoughts.

She meditated for what seemed like hours before there was a knock on her door. Even though she knew she shouldn't have, she used the Force to open it, and there stood Finn. Her heart fluttered a little.

"He wants to see you. That guy," he said grimly, a frown on his face. "You better hurry. He ain't talkin' to no one unless he sees you first."

So much for not thinking about Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Okay so it took me forever to write this chapter :(. I deleted over two thousands words because I felt like they weren't right and they were too intense for the beginning of this story. This is unedited, so I apologize. Once I've got down a lot written, I'll sit down and edit all the plot holes and character developments I've missed! As well as grammar mistakes.
> 
> Kudos and tell me what you think :D!


	3. Dry Cleaning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. However, I do own a Chewbaca doll that is hidden deep in my closet.
> 
> Note: I was told by the lovely JuliaAurelia on ff.net that the assumption of Ren being thirty is baseless. Thus, I will officially establish his age in TFA as 24, and so in this story, at present time, he is 28. Enjoy!

KYLO REN hated how blue Rey's eyes were.

He hated how they searches someone's soul, as if reading their life story. He hated how, with those eyes, she could assess a person's intention or feeling. He hated how, when he looked in them, he felt a small spark in his heart.

I'm turning into a bonafide ass-wipe, he thought disgusted by his reaction. Kylo had no idea how long he would last on this mission without self-combusting. This girl was toxic to his very cause. 

"If you're done staring at me I'd like to know what I'm doing here," the Jedi knight sighed, her hands behind her head. She sat on a chair in front of Ren, her right leg folded on top of the left. Eyeing her up and down, Ren focused his attention on the lightsaber tucked neatly in her belt. Slowly, he trailed his gaze back to her face where she stared pointedly at him. His heart lit up. 

Forces, he despised those beautiful eyes so much.

"You know," he began adjusting himself on the bed, clearly ignoring her question, "your posture is quite terrible."

As if embarrassed, Rey quickly placed her leg down and her hands on her knees, straightening her back with a look of contempt.

At least with her eyes narrowed at him he couldn't see them all that well.

"Are you done analyzing me?"

Ren sighed heavily and shook his long hair out of his face. It took all his efforts to not scowl at her tone. It was hard to forget that he was in the hands of the Resistance, so his status didn't matter much to them. He sadly wouldn't be given the respect he deserved.  

I'm sure my saber could convince them otherwise, he thought bitterly, itching for his weapon. They had confiscated it when he surrendered himself to enemy. If they damaged it, he would rip their eyes out.

"Almost. You have a little stain," he motioned at the front of her shirt and wiped mockingly, "here." Shocked, Rey looked down and cursed when she saw the mustard stain. Looking up at him through her long lashes, she quickly glanced back down and grabbed her top, her chin doubling in size as she looked for the stain. She licked her thumb and wiped viciously. When she realized her attempt was futile, she turned her attention back to him, her face a light pink. 

"Is that why you brought me here? To criticize how I look?" She crossed her arms defensively and scowled. The Dark Lord pursed his lips to keep the grin from his face; she looked like a helpless cub when she made that face. "Well this lady won't be fazed."

"What lady?" Ren asked in shock, looking around and intentionally passing over Rey. "I don't see one here."

"Oh ha-ha, very funny Ben." Then, she got up from her seat and stood in front of him. Bending forward, she put her face directly in front of his, and her breath fanned over his face. Ren cringed, and it was not at the sound of his birth name.

"Could you back off?" he asked, turning his nose away. "You seemed have eaten something horribly disgusting for lunch."

Rey's face was now a deep scarlet and she shuffled away, breathing against her palm and taking a sniff herself. Trying to keep the look of disgust and horror off her face, she cleared her throat awkwardly and bit her lip, all the while pacing around the room.

"You brought me here. What do you want?" her voice was strictly business, and it amused Ren a little how it raised an octave.

"Just to have a little chat." He moved backwards on the bed until his back hit the cold metal wall.

Honestly how can this be a bed, he thought as he readjusted himself on it, its harder than my damn cot.

"Continue," she waved her hand when he failed to elaborate.

"Oh, you know. I just wanted to know how your day went." She snorted. When Ren's smile did not falter Rey looked more irritated than enchanted.

How does one be seductive? Ren mused. Is it in the eyes? Must I smolder? I haven't smoldered in so long.

"Well," she began, indulging him, "it was actually going quite well. I got up, practiced some combat with Finn, went to my X-Wing to polish it up and spoke with Poe a bit and then," she paused and pouted her lips at him. For a brief moment, Ren let his mind go back to the kiss, but he quickly shut it down when he felt his lips burning with desire. "Some guy from the First Order came and claimed to have had a change of heart. It kind of soured my day."

Angered by her words, a growl rose in Ren's throat but he pushed it down. Swallow, he tried his best to look offended, but in one of those rugged-sexy ways.

If there was a rugged and sexy way. Honestly, he just frowned and widened his eyes. But he knew his eyes were beautiful—many female Stormtroopers had told him.

"You don't believe that I've changed? I'm quite hurt."

Rey scoffed and then looked at him. All he humor and happiness that was usually etched into her face were gone. Her nose wrinkled in concentration, and creases appeared on her forehead. He could feel her using Force, and that angered him a bit.

"You won't get in my head," he said between his teeth. She looked at him, her eyes sparkling with the challenge.  

"Why not? Scared of what I'll find there?"

Yes.

"The fact that you don't trust me is highly offensive. I came here well aware that I could be executed in a second. Does that not show where my new loyalties lie?"

"I don't believe you," she said quickly, shaking her head furiously. Her eyes flashed and seemed bluer—if that were possible. "I haven't felt anything. Nothing in the Force has changed. If what your saying is true and your intentions have turned to the better, then there should be a shift in the dynamics of the Force."

Kylo Ren snorted at her ignorant assumptions. Although she seemed have mastered the Force quite well, the battle a year ago proof of such, she still had much to learn. Shaking his head, he replied with a coy grin.

"That's not true. I have changed my mind, but that does not mean that my convictions have changed. However, I know which cause is right, and that's that of the New Republic and Resistance. It will take time for the Force to change. I have been involved with the Dark Side for an extensive, and intensive, amount of time, and one simple thought will not eradicate how my powers are used."

When he had been young and seduced to the Dark Side, Master Skywalker hadn't felt the change immediately because the Force was a power learned, not felt. Back then, and even now, he was grateful for this fact—it was served well for his deception.

"Alright," she agreed slowly, nodding. "Then tell me your convictions."

Damn, he thought, racking his brain quickly. He had rehearsed many answers with Supreme Leader Snoke and General Hux, improvising his way through most answers quite impressively. But this was a more tricky. 

"Well," he began, hesitant, "I believe that the Resistance is fighting for the sake of democracy," he said delicately, trying so hard to remember what he learned during his history classes in the Jedi Order. "And I also believe that the Dark Side uses unnatural and immoral means for its powers, and that it corrupts souls. The Light is the only way for peace and harmony amongst the universe."

Speaking the latter part tasted like acid, but he swallowed it, reminding himself that he had to complete this mission. 

Rey kept her face expressionless. After a few seconds, she sighed and sat back down on the seat in front of him, spreading her legs.

She's like a man, he thought, watching as she shoved her hands into her pocket. How was he supposed to seduce a man?

"Well alright then, you're with us now." Then she laughed, throwing her head back in joy before looking at him, a wide smile on her face. He looked upon her like a mad woman.

"Do you realize," she said between gasps, "that I'm going to have to teach you the Light Side?" She slapped her knee, Ren still confused about what made this funny. "Do you not remember?" He shook his head and she looked at him, the beautiful smile still plastered on her small face. "You said you wanted to be my teacher. Oh how the tables have turned."

This caused Ren to scowl a little. She was not his superior—if anything, he would be teaching her. Although it had been years since he practiced the Light Side of the Force, he was still aware of its practices. Weak practices. "What do you mean 'the tables have turned'? I thought Master Skywalker would teach me."

Of course, he did not actually think this, but he knew that he could extract some information about the evasive Jedi through this means.

"He's not here," she said tersely. Her nostrils flared a little, and her eyes slanted suspiciously. "And even if he was here and we did know where he was, what on Earth makes you think we would tell you?"

"I'm a changed man Rey," Ren whispered. He brought forth all his acting skills, mustering up everything inside him to utter the lie of a next sentence. "I simply want to right my wrongs."

She didn't argue with him. "Either way, Master Skywalker will not be training you, nor could he. We don't know where he has. He's disappeared once again, and there's no way to find him."

This complicates things, Ren thought, his fists balling up in frustration. If they don't know where he is, how the hell am I supposed to find out? I have only a year—oh Forces, this mission is basically impossible.

Before he could make a comment, the door of the containment room opened, and Poe Dameron peeked his head in, along with the former Stormtrooper, FN-2187.

"Uh, you guys done in here?" the friendly pilot asked, flashing a charming smile at Rey. She beamed back in response and nodded. Ren felt frustrated by the look she gave him.

She was too happy. He didn't like her being too happy.

The two boys then turned their attention on Kylo Ren, and they glared. Puffing his chest, Dameron walked towards the dark haired man.

"You're coming with us," Poe said, grabbing Ren's arm and forcing him off the bed. Irritated by the unnecessary aggression, Ren yanked himself out of the short man's grasp.

"Get your hands off," the Dark Lord seethed, unable to control his hatred. When he glanced to the side and saw Rey's disapproving look, he cursed. He had been doing so well at concealing his true feelings.

"Listen here buddy," Poe whispered, coming close to Ren, his face only centimeters away. This man has amazing pores, Ren thought for a fleeting second. "I know you might be playing this act of a changed man, and I'm all for accepting new comers, but I don't forget."

It was hard to keep the evil grin from his face at the memory of going into the pilot's mind, but Ren managed.

Although Poe Dameron was not Force sensitive, it had taken much of Ren's efforts to extract the information from the loyal scum. It was m impressive, and the Dark Lord pitied the fact that he wasn't a part of his knights.

"I apologize," Ren said with a straight face, but the handsome pilot's face didn't change in its anger.

"Doesn't sound like you are," Poe spat. They continued to look at each other, both refusing to look away. Finn came and broke them up, his hand on each of their shoulders. Ren shook him off. 

"Sorry to break this bro-match, but we have to go. The General wants to see him."

Now, Ren turned his attention to the Stormtrooper and smiled. "FN-2187," he began, "it is nice to see you here."

"The name's Finn," the man said, placing his hands on his hip, a blank expression on his face.

"That's very original."

"Hey," Poe called defensively, "I named him."

"No wonder it lacks luster," Ren mumbled to himself, but the others heard.

"Excuse me, but I think it's a wonderful name," the pilot said, placing his arm around Finn, and patting his chest with a smile. "Don't worry pal, he's just upset he has a stupid name. Ben," he snorted, "now that's not original."

"Uhm Poe," Rey said clearing her throat, "he was sort of named after Obi-Wan." Poe cursed and then turned back to Ren, who had a smirk.

With reluctance, he fixed his statement. "I guess your name is pretty kick ass then. But so is Finn's."

"If you say so flyer boy."

Then, he was being escorted to General Leia's chambers. Rey had gone off on her own, stating that she had some work to do on her X-Wing, and Finn followed her like a puppy. It annoyed Ren how smitten Finn seemed, his adoration stupidly obvious. This would complicate his plans on seducing her, and that bugged him.

As they made their way to the General's room, Kylo Ren felt relaxed. It didn't worry him much that he would be seeing his birth mother for the first time since he was sixteen. He could remember her horror as she stared at him stand around all the dead children. But she hadn't condemned him. She asked him to come to her. She was a kind woman that cared about him, and he wouldn't take that away from her.

He just had to fake it until he made it. Plus, he knew he would be safe under good protection. No one would dare touch the General's long "lost" son without bearing the consequences.

But there was a part of him that didn't enjoy the lying and acting. There was a small part of him, one that Snoke had failed to destroy, a part that contained all his guilt and longing, a part that he suppressed so well that it was basically nonexistent, that didn't want to deceive his mother.

Ever since he was young and was sent away to train with his uncle to become a Jedi, she had come visit him. She was never allowed to go to him, but he would sometimes see her watching him as he trained in the garden. His mother would then look away and rush off. 

His father never came. 

General Leia loved her son so much. When he stood over the dead bodies, scared and horrified at what he's done, she'd called to him. "Ben, I love you." Back then, he didn't care much for those words, and even now he didn't. He had always wanted to hear it once from the one person that never gave it to him.

The person that had his lightsaber jab straight through his heart.

But what the older woman had yet to understand was that Ben Solo was gone. The moment he drove his saber though the Jedi Order, he was gone. Her beloved and gentle son had been replaced with Kylo Ren, the Dark Lord that wanted nothing more than to see his mother's twin dead, and her cause crushed.

"Ben," General Leia gasped when her son entered the room. A hand was placed on her heart as she stared at him. She looked like she was going to faint, and Ren almost rolled his eyes at her dramatic reaction.

"Hello mother," he smiled. She had made no effort to come closer to him, her body frozen as she clutched the side of her bed, her hand still at her heart. Her brown eyes were wide, and Ren was pretty sure she wasn't breathing.

He made no motion to move forward.

"Uh, I'm gon'na go meet up with Major Caluan Ematt," Poe Dameron said awkwardly, feeling as if he was breaking up an important moment. General Leia and Ren didn't bother acknowledging him, and he seemed affronted when he saluted a goodbye to his General.

She looked different from when Ren had last seen her. Granted, that had been almost twelve years ago, but it seemed that within that time, she had done all her aging. Her hairs were gray, and her face had so many lines—like a map. Her eyes, which used to be so soft, bright and youthful, looked dull, sad and empty. But staring at her son, Ren could see a gleam and it almost made him glad.

He wondered if she looked upon him as Ben Solo or as Kylo Ren. Although he was sure she had never admitted to his new self when he turned to the Dark Side, she had to see the difference. She had to look upon him with some sort of fear—with some sort form of hatred and disappointment. He had been the one to kill Han Solo, her husband and his father. He had killed every single Jedi in training, and caused her brother to flee to the most remote corner of the universe. He had defeated many of her soldiers, had destroyed towns filled with innocent people.

She had to know that he truly was not Ben Solo.

But she didn't look at him different. He felt like he was ten years old again, and she had come to visit him on his birthday. When he approached her, she had stood frozen and looked at him with so much awe and sadness, it worried him.

"You're growing up too fast," she told him when he asked. That was the first time he ever saw his mother cry. When he made a motion to touch her she had backed away, mumbling and running off. 

That was the first time Ben Solo's heart broke. 

"Ben," General Leia said again, taking a shaky step forward. Ren almost rushed towards her and placed a hand on her arm. She didn't look capable of walking by herself, her body frail. But he stopped himself. Useless acts of kindness were not required in his mission; he would simply do the bare minimum. "Is that really you?"

He hadn't changed much since she last saw him, minus the scar on his face. His face had matured more, and his body had filled out. His hair was longer, almost up to his shoulders. But it was the same jet black she remembered. She wondered if it would still smell like grass.

"Yes mother," he replied obediently, keeping a soft smile on his face. It felt unfamiliar to make that expression. He was stretching out muscles he hadn't used in eternity.

She didn't say anything as she rushed towards him and before he knew it, she was sobbing against his chest. It wasn't one of those quiet sobs, the ones women in galactic movies made that were quaint and pretty. Her sobs consisted of gasps, tears, snots and hiccups. To be honest, he felt like a huge baby was clutching him and he had an urge to grab his mother and put her at arms length.

But of course, that wouldn't be appropriate and perhaps impossible. She was clutching him like a damn koala to a eucalyptus tree.

If Kylo Ren would get over his detestation to her hug, he would have admitted to himself that he liked it. He liked the way her short and weak arms barely wrapped themselves around his large torso. He liked the way her soft and aged face pressed against his light tunic, just below his heart. He liked the way she was sobbing his name, as if longing for him. He liked how warm she was.

He liked it so much and so secretly that he almost wrapped his arms around her. He convinced himself that it was because he didn't want her to fall. 

Patting her back awkwardly, the Dark Lord tried his best to comfort the woman. "There, there," he tried to utter sympathetically, but it came out more robotic than anything.

"I thought I had lost you forever," she sniveled. He had this urge to gag as he realized how much snot and salvia must be coating his favorite outfit. Did they have any form of dry cleaning on this ship?

"Well you didn't," he told her. This, of course, did not reassure her, and she kept her tight hold on him as she cried. She continued to cry, but this time they came out softer. They probably stood there for an hour when a huge Wookiee came in and roared.

"Don't be rude Chewie," Leia scolded, her voice muffled as she continued to press her face into his chest.

When will she let me go, Kylo asked the Forces. He was pretty sure he had bruises on his side from where she had held him too tightly.

Never, it seemed to reply.

"Listen here fur ball," Leia growled, looking over Ren's body to glare at the Wookie, "if you so much as touch a hair on my son's body, I will turn you into a cushion, got it?"

The beastly brute roared again and huffed, walking out. Leia looked up at her son adoringly, her eyes red, but a smile on her face.

"We've arrived at the capital. Let's go."

She didn't let go of him until she was forced to. 

They didn't have dry cleaning in the capital. So much for his favorite outfit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is lighter than what I usually do (if you're actually looking for something good and light read Magpie Syndrome by Clayem on fanfiction.net. Literally my favorite thing right now!). The next few chapter might be also light, but I will add some angst and drama and more Poe and Finn because good (God they're so cute together!). And just for reference, when Ren is consoling his mother and saying "there, there," try and imagine Sheldon form The Big Bang Theory doing that with Penny when she broke her arm and she's like breaking down. I will forever laugh at that scene.
> 
> Anyways, I wanna say thank you for those who gave me kudos, and for those who are reading. 
> 
> Kudos and comment :D!


	4. Sharing is Caring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. I want to own freaking C-P30 because he's amazing, but sadly, he's the work of Anakin who's the work of George Lucas and that's owned by Lucas films which is now owned by Disney and we know Disney is a little bitch when it comes to copyright and what not so yeah.
> 
> Note: Okay, so this chapter isn't as angsty as it should be, but the angst might be coming soon (Kylo is generally the angsty one). Another thing, I want to establish something that will be more apparent as the story goes on (and as I edit), but I want to make sure you readers understand now: just because Rey is attracted to Kylo doesn't mean he has a control over her. You have to understand that people can generally control themselves when they feel attracted or like someone. So, just because Rey might have some inappropriate thoughts about him, or might like the way that he looks, it does not mean that if he says "jump" she'll be like "how high." Ya feel?
> 
> Another thing I want you guys to know and understand is the fact that, before Rey became a Jedi, she lived twenty years as a normal woman. So, having feelings is completely normal. I try to highlight how it is difficult for her to adhere to the Jedi ways in which she is required to suppress her feelings.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! It is meant to be a little humorous, although sometimes I can be bad at that. I tried to add in some stormpilot because we all know that's the best type of shipping out there (no one fights the stormpilot cannon-they're too powerful).

 

SHARING IS CARING

REY could feel someone watching her.

It was well passed midnight, and she had retired to her room early from dinner. Rey couldn't stand small talk and usually she would converse with Finn and Poe, but they were already having a deep conversation about their damn mission earlier that day. Having been absent from it, albeit forcefully, she could not interject.

That was the pain she must bear for being one of the last Jedi's. No fun: Just polishing fighter planes, and meditating all day.

And Master Skywalker said it would be exciting, she thought bitterly, stabbing into her mashed potatoes.

Everyone had been quite annoyed with her when she left. Although no one bothered to engage in conversation, minus the eager politicians who wanted her support amongst the New Republic, the congregation protested when she made an excuse about being exhausted.

Finally having an excuse to look up, Rey did so eagerly. Throughout the dinner, she had not allowed herself a glance at Ben Solo. He was sitting almost directly in front of her, answering questions in his deep, sultry voice. She tuned him out as she ate, focusing on the clanks of the silverware and the chatter of others. Even then, it was difficult to drown out his distinctively smooth voice.

She desperately wanted to glance upon his face. She wouldn't make it a long glance—a short and simple one that either confirmed or denied her theory on whether or not his face was molded so perfectly from his helmet, or because he was naturally beautiful.

But Rey tried suppressed the urge. Her curiosity was both childish and unfitting for a Jedi.

Of course, when she got up, if she couldn't help but look in front of her, that wouldn't be at all her fault.

His eyes were on hers when she glanced at him. It made her heart clench tightly. They were so brown that they reminded Rey of chocolate cake.

Rey loved chocolate cake.

She knew she should have turned her face away immediately once his eyes caught hers, she didn't. Perhaps it was the challenge his eyes presented that drew her in. Either was, she only allowed herself a second more to assess her theory.

Her initial thoughts had been right: His face was au naturel.

Slightly embarrassed by her lingering gaze, Rey looked away quickly, almost getting whiplash from the sudden movement. Much unlike herself, she became uncoordinated and her hand knocked against a glass of water, causing it to fall. Gasping, she used the Force to catch it just before it hit the ground. Around her, she heard claps. Looking around, she saw everyone smiling and laughing at what she had just done.

"Shit," Rey muttered when she realized how much of a mistake this was. Master Skywalker would be so upset with her if he saw her using the Force so frivolously.

Quickly, she bent down and grabbed the cup, its contents already spilt, and placed it on the table. Clearing her throat awkwardly, she once again scanned the room and let her eyes rest on Ben when saw him snorting. Shooting him a glare, she excused herself and went to her room.

"Why hello master!" C-P30 chanted when Rey got into her apartment.

"We've been through this," Rey groaned, shedding her clothes off as she walked to the bedroom. She went to open the windows, sniffing the fresh night air and shivering in delight when it kissed her skin. The human-relations cyborg became flustered, grabbing her clothes from the grounds.

"I apologize master Rey, but I am programmed to refer you as master."

Although Rey understood the hierarchy within her society, she did not agree with it. Indeed, Rey herself had a master when she was learning to become a Jedi, and even now, she had superiors, but she hated the term master. She had lived twenty years without referring, or holding anyone, to such a degree. A part of her worried that these terminologies, the ones used to differentiate different classes, destroyed self-esteem and created barriers between the castes.

And it also bugged her that her own damn cyborg couldn't respect the one wish she had.

If this wasn't a gift from General Leia, I'd throw it out, she thought bitterly as C-P30 continued to babble on, throwing out the word master here and there, and then gasping every time he did, glancing up to make sure Rey wasn't coming after him.

Finally, she'd had enough.

"Threepio, I swear I will make you have another red arm if you keep calling me that," Rey growled before diving into her blankets. She sighed while her robotic helper mumbled:

"Aren't Jedis supposed to be kind and peaceful." And quickly ran away when she threw a pillow his way. Of course, when C-P30 left, he made sure to shut the door and tell his master goodnight.

It was easy for Rey to fall asleep, and she was glad for that fact. She liked being able to close her eyes and feel the darkness envelope her.

Ever since she was little, the scavenger was not able to remember her dreams. If she woke up from a nightmare, she could never recall them. That was perhaps for the better—her nightmares always left her shaking and sweaty.

But her memory even failed during those sweet dreams. The ones that would wake Rey up with a smile and goose bumps on her arms and legs. They were dreams that would warm her heart, and cause butterflies to erupt in her stomach. It always made her sad not being able to recall them. She felt like she was being deprived of an essential happiness life offered.

Tonight, she was dreaming of darkness. It wasn't that Rey wasn't dreaming. The cloud of darkness that wrapped around her and attacked her senses was her dream. It was smoky and it smelt like grass. It wasn't all together bad: she liked the way the cloud chilled her skin. But it wasn't good either, especially with how much harder it made breathing. It was choking her, suffocating her in a slow, but sweet, way.

While she was dreaming, she could feel something. It was as if eyes were on her, watching her through the fog. They were light eyes, brown and deep. They reminded her of chocolate cake, and she could feel herself laughing in the dream, watching the eyes with fascination and desire. Her arms were outstretched as the dark fog continued to cocoon her. It was sickening, but the way the cloud seemed to stop her breath delighted her. It made her heart beat fast, and it made her skin zing, as if electrified. Once it would finally release its grasp, Rey felt empty and disappointed. She ran after the elusive fog.

Suddenly, she heard a noise and she woke up from her sleep, her dream disappearing, lost forever. Her eyes trained on the ceiling, she frowned as she felt her nipples tighten in her light chemise, as if she were too cold. However, the air around her felt too hot and warm, the windows of her room closed. She kicked her duvet off.

"Well good morning sleeping beauty," a familiar voice drawled. It was deep and sultry, and it made her skin prickle. "Or should I saw good night?"

Rey's initial reaction was to scream bloody murder. But that was Rey the Woman. Rey the Jedi was calm. Turning her head slowly, she used the Force and her lightsaber was at her hand immediately. Raising herself up, she activated the saver and leaned forward until the weapon just right her the suspects nose. She lowered it, exasperated when she realized who it was.

Ben fucking Solo, she thought cynically. She turned on the lights and glowered at the man sitting on her couch.

"What the actual hell are you doing here, Solo?" she spat, her eyes narrowed. Her body was shivering, and she was pretty sure it was out of anger, considering the swear that coated her forehead.

"You don't seem too happy to see me," he commented, frowning as he placed his hands under his chin. He smirked. "And here I thought you were having a good dream about me."

"I don't remember my dreams, but trust me, none of them would have been about you." Rey frowned as she recalled this sad fact

"Of course," he conceded easily. He grabbed the arms of the chair and leaned forward, smiling. "But your receptiveness to my voice would say otherwise."

Tempted to inquire him further for an explanation, Rey sighed deeply and focused on the matter at hand. "I asked you a question and you've yet to answer. So I advice you answer before you lose your other hand."

The lights were dim, but she still saw the flash in Ben's eyes. The way they turned pitch black made her tense, but she felt reassured when she recalled he didn't have a lightsaber.

"Well, beloved Jedi," he drawled slowly, getting up from his seat to stand beside her bed. She titled her head back in order to stare at his tall form. Her neck hurt, but Rey tightened her grip on her lightsaber. "You're in my bed. And although I do not mind removing people from my sleeping area, I did not want to do so immediately considering how you already drooled on half the pillows. I sent out Threepio to grab some more and was waiting for him to return before I kicked you out."

"Okay one, I do not drool," Rey flushed. She did drool, but she still had to retain some dignity in front of the tall, dark and obnoxiously gorgeous man. "Two, what do you mean your room? This has been my apartment for a year."

Ben laughed and she couldn't help but like the sound. It was one that came from deep within the chest. An orchestra could be created out of that noise alone.

"You do in fact drool. A simple glance at your pillows and you'd think it rained." He laughed once again at Rey's growl but continued. "And perhaps it might have been your apartment, but it is now mine. I even have a key to prove it." He held up the shiny object, smiling charmingly.

Rey looked at the key, confused. That was indeed her key, except her key was on her nightstand, and he had her key in his hand too.

There were two keys.

"What do you mean?" she said slowly, rubbing her eyes. She hated rubbing her eyes. It meant taking away the sleep and officially stating consciousness and considering how it was the middle of the night, Rey wasn't all too happy about this.

"I think I've said it about three times now, but I'll say it again. Slowly so your scavenger brain can actually understand." She didn't react to his insult and just looked at him dumbly until he continued. "You are in my apartment. This apartment belongs to me. I own these 925 square feet of housing luxury. Do you understand now?"

"Don't talk down to me, you laserbrain!" Rey shouted, finally fed up with his rude behavior. He was in her house, Force damn it! She threw the blanket off her and slipped on her slippers angrily. "This is a load of Bantha fodder! Who the hell gave you that key?"

It took a second before Ben responded, looking at her weirdly and swallowing. She knew it was probably because she still had her lightsaber, and she smirked a little, hoping he felt threatened.

"My mother," he finally said. She didn't notice his eyes lingering along her body, clearly checking her out. Rey was too busy cursing and rushing out of her apartment, trying to think of a way to kindly tell General Leia that she was mental. When she came to her room on the tenth floor, she knocked.

"Rey," the older woman greeted, slightly disoriented as she looked upon the half-naked girl before her. "What are you doing here at this time?"

"Hi, General Leia, I have a—," but the young Jedi was promptly interrupted by her General's squeal.

"Ben! Oh, what a lovely surprise to see you here, too!" she smiled as she pushed Rey aside and hugged her son. Although Ben was putting on a smile, Rey knew that this much affection must be killing him on the inside.

It actually made her quite glad.

Squeeze that boy to death old lady, Rey thought cynically as she watched the mother coo and coddle her son. Squeeze him like a ketchup bottle.

"Yes well, we seem to have an issue with the room." Ben cleared his throat, his body unreceptive to his mother's touch.

"Why don't you guys come inside and I'll get you something to wear," Leia smiled, directing the last part to Rey. The Jedi looked at the her elder confused. What was wrong with what she was wear? Glancing down, Rey's jaw almost dropped.

She was wearing a camisole, underwear and slipper. She had totally forgot about her not-so-appropriate pajama of choice, and her face began to heat up as she eagerly followed General Leia inside and slipped on a robe.

Was that why Ben looked at me weird, she thought for a moment. Well, at least I have the legs of an angel, if I may say so myself.

"I apologize for that, General," Rey mumbled awkwardly, tightening the ropes on the garment until she felt it squeeze her waist painfully. "I had forgotten about my attire."

"That's quite alright. I'm sure none of us were too bothered by it—but nonetheless, it should be more fitting to cover up." The two ladies gave a quick glance at Ben, and he noticed.

"Its not like I enjoyed the view," he snorted, raising his hands defensively. "Honestly! It's like she's never done a squat in her life."

Rey's face was in a permanent state of red and she mumbled a few curse words under her breath. She tightened her grip on the saber. Then she turned to Leia and remembered the task at hand.

"Ben told me that you gave him a key to my apartment, and I'm quite confused on that issue."

"She means my apartment," Ben quibbled from behind.

Don't slice his other hand Rey, don't slice it, I chanted to myself.

"Oh well, I thought Threepio had explained this to you," Leia said. She sat Rey down with a bright smile on her face. "Well, you are now going to be Ben's guardian."

"What?" they both protested.

The General looked confused at their reactions. "I mean, you are the only person left that is Force sensitive, and although I trust my son a hundred percent, the Senate and the Chancellor do not. As such, we thought it be safest for him to be in your care, Rey." She gave a loving smile. "If any issue were to arise, we know that you can take care of it."

She could see what they meant, but she was still against the idea. "General, I don't think it at all appropriate to have him in my house, living with me."

"Oh don't be silly! You're a Jedi." She ended the sentence like that, as if that explained everything.

"I do not mind watching out for him throughout the day," Rey began, clearly upset by this plan. She tried to keep her tone respectful, but it was difficult. "But I do mind having him stay in my one-bedroom apartment with me."

"We're already working on that my dear," she patted the younger woman's knee. "We shall have a two-bedroom ready by the end of the month."

Rey opened and closed her mouth like a fish as she stared at the woman and Ben, who was standing behind her with his arms crossed and a pensive look on his face. She swallowed the bile that quickly rose in her throat and closed her eyes.

"Are you sure," she said through clenched teeth, "that there is no way out of this?" Like say, seeing Ben Solo suddenly dead. Rey almost slapped herself for having such an un-Jedi thought. It was as if she was slowly turning into her pre-Jedi self, and although she was ashamed of her violent and outrageous thoughts, it didn't feel that bad.

"I'm pretty sure." Then, Leia looked upon the Jedi confused. "I don't see why this will be uncomfortable for you, my dear. I'm sure Master Skywalker trained you well."

Rey didn't say anything. Instead, she got up and bowed to the older woman before storming out of the room, tempted to light her saber. Her knuckles were turning white with the grip she had on it. Her other hand stung with the pain from her nails digging into the skin.

It bothered her that the Senate and the Chancellor saw her as nothing but a Jedi. They had completely dissociated her gender, as if it didn't mean anything in this situation. They simply saw her as an asset in containing a potential threat.

She did not fear Ben Solo, but she did not see it as appropriate for them to be living in the same space together. Even when she had trained with Master Skywalker, they had lived in separate tents that were around ten-feet from one another. Desire was a real issue, perhaps not between her and Master Skywalker (seeing as how he was many years older than her), but definitely between her and Ben.

And now here she was with a man that she felt slightly attracted to. She would live in the same space as him. She wouldn't be able to breath on her own without him standing beside her. She had to train him, she had to watch over him, and she had to ensure the safety of everyone from him.

Rey loved being a Jedi, and she knew the purpose of being one.

Babysitting was not one of those.

"So who gets the bed?" Ben drawled from behind her. She stood before her bedroom door with her arms crossed.

"I don't know why you have to ask," she snorted, rolling her eyes. "The answer is obvious."

"Of course it would be me," he said, striding towards her. Rey wanted to pull her hair in frustration, but the last time she had done that, she actually pulled out chunks of her hair.

Before he got any closer to her, Rey lit up her lightsaber. She knew it was childish, and she also knew it was unnecessary. He was defenseless and probably just teasing her, but Rey was too tired and annoyed and all she wanted to do was place another scar on his handsome face.

Get your emotions in check Rey, she scolded herself. She knew her behavior wasn't of that of a Jedi and she was slightly ashamed of herself. But for some reason, she couldn't get herself to care enough to change attitude.

"You, my friend, are going to sleep in the living room. You are not going to come into my room and you are not going to watch me sleep like you did last time." He opened his mouth to defend himself, but Rey raised the saber closer to his face and he shut his mouth. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Ben Solo glared at the woman, but nodded reluctantly before backing off.

"You're upset about the squat comment aren't you?" he called out when she made her way into the room. She didn't dignify a response.

But the for the record: Yes, Rey was offended by the squat comment because she did squats every other day.

Guess I need to make it everyday, she thought. She grabbed her butt and craned her neck to try and see it.

Why did it have to be so small and flat?

Jedis do not dwell on these issues, she thought to herself, closing her eyes. By the Forces, she had no idea how she was going to train this demon of a Padawan if she couldn't put herself in check.

Lying in bed, with a tunic and some loose pants on, Rey tried to let the peace wrap her. She closed her eyes and let her body settle, and even though she was, for the most part, successful at feeling at peace with herself, she couldn't help but still feel a tingle of annoyance.

So what if she was a Jedi? Did that mean nothing could happen? Is that how the Senate saw it? Is that how Ben saw it? She had become a Jedi after twenty years of being a person with a free will to love and care for who she wanted. No amount of training could just eradicate those innate feelings easily.

Yes, you're right Rey, she could hear Master Obi-Wan say, and she blushed as she realized he was listening in on her conversation with herself. But you must remember that, even if we too have emotions, we must think of the greater good first. We are not here to serve ourselves, not ourselves.

She wanted to argue with the voice in her head, but she didn't. She knew Obi-Wan was right. But how was she to turn off her feelings? They always came out without her consent.

For instance, with Finn, she had this almost immediate connection with him. She always felt happy when she was around him. He made her feel warm and fuzzy inside, and when they touched, she could feel her stomach do somersaults.

Then there was Ben. Although she didn't care for him the way she cared for Finn, she couldn't deny the attractions she had for him. Out of all the feelings she's ever felt, Rey wished to obliterate this one more than anything. Although it was easy to ignore, sometimes she didn't want to. She liked the electricity that they had built between each other.

Look here Rey, she thought, turning in her bed and wrapping the heavy blanket more tightly around herself. You're a Jedi. So what if you have feelings? Just don't indulge in them. Your job is to take care of Ben Solo and that's it. Sure, you're not a babysitter, but maybe this can be fun. You haven't been doing anything for the past year, anyways.

But there was a doubt in her. Even though he claimed to have changed, Rey still couldn't feel it. It made sense that the Force hadn't shifted, but there was something sketchy about him.

He didn't seem different. Although his thoughts of what was right might have changed, his attitude and mannerism should have also changed? When he touched and hugged his mother, he didn't seem eager. In fact, she always saw a bit of annoyance and reluctance flash on his face. If he had changed, wouldn't that part of him had changed with him?

That's not fair to think, she berated herself. Just like how you can't turn off your feelings, maybe he can't turn off his reactions. He's been trained to hate everything good, just as how you were raised to live and love freely. It is not something that can simply be turned off.

Plus, there was the fact that it did make sense for him to change sides. She had always felt the doubt within him. Even if he killed his father, she knew there was good in Kylo Ren.

She had heard Master Skywalker speak of the young Ben Solo; he spoke of the young boy with admiration and sadness. He had trained his nephew, and he had cherished him as his own child. But most of all, he had seen the little Ben who was a great student and wonderful human being that loved every living creature and had dreams of saving the universe from the clutches of the Dark Side.

When General Leia spoke of him, there was so much adoration in her voice, but Rey saw the sorrow in her eyes. She saw how every step the older lady made was painful, empty, as if void of purpose.

"He didn't kill Han," was the first thing she said when Finn and Rey delivered the news. Questions arose when the Millennium Falcon was returned without its owner and when Chewie refused to leave the pilot seat, howling in pain. Rey opened her mouth to correct her, adamant that she understood the situation, but General Organa cut her off. "Ben Solo did not kill his father Han Solo," she repeated, her eyes glossing over. "Kylo Ren did it, and you better bet that they're two different people."

A year later, when the former princess came to visit Rey and Luke in Ahch-To, she spoke of Ben. She spoke of how sometimes, she would go visit him at the Jedi training camp and watch as he meditated on the grass, surrounded by flowers and birds. She spoke of how it broke her heart to stay away from him, to hide herself, to never go and hold her baby boy.

"So why didn't you?" Rey questioned aggressively, her orphan heart breaking.

Leia looked at the young girl sadly. "He was born and raised in a world filled with war. Han and I thought that the best thing was to leave him with Luke and wait until he was a Jedi Master before we came into his life. The Jedi code is very strict, and emotional entanglement can bring someone to the Dark Side and he knew this. But it seems," she pursed her lips and didn't finish.

But Rey knew what she was going to say. Perhaps not being in his life might have caused his conversion to the Dark Side.

"I always told her to stay away," Luke commented when we all became quiet. "I thought it would interrupt his training." Rey looked at her master and saw the regret etched into the lines of his face.

But if those two didn't confuse Rey on the true nature of Ben Solo, or Kylo Ren, or whatever he was, then her own experiences did.

For years, under the orders of her master, Rey had expanded her feelings to Ren. Initially, it was for Code YE-23, but as time wore on, Luke was convinced that maybe, since Rey was good at feeling calm and happy, her feelings would somehow influence him.

She didn't care too much for her task. He simply felt what she felt. He never pushed her out too, and that brought her some hope. But he never opened himself to her. Except for one time.

Rey was ready to knock out, exhausted from the day's training with Master Skywalker. Her eyes were already drooping with slumber when she suddenly felt. It was like a wrecking ball to her body, and she doubled over as the sensation attacked her, so powerful she was sure that it was own feelings, but she knew it wasn't.

It was him.

He was dreaming—having a nightmare of some sort. It was hurting him so much that he was accidentally making her, the person he seemed to always be connected with, feel it.

It wasn't the normal type of hurt, the one that could go away by simply using the Force. It was a hurt that was so deeply embedded within the soul, that it would take years to rectify, if that at all.

Heart break: Kylo Ren was experiencing his heart being torn in two. She felt the substance of it.

Kylo Ren was being pulled by two sides. He was attracted to the Dark Side, but a part of him, perhaps subconscious, knew of its wrongs—a part of him knew that it was the Light that was right. He had trained as a Jedi, and he knew the good of it.

But he also knew the selflessness of the Light Side, and the power hungry and angry part of him resented it.

His feelings were so powerful and real that Rey forced herself to break the connection, incapable of breathing as she suffocated under his feelings. That's when she knew.

Kylo Ren was redeemable.

But why does it not seem as such, she thought again. She couldn't erase the doubt in her mind. Closing her eyes, she tried to sort out her feelings. And somehow she sunk into the darkness of slumber.

When she woke up in the morning, she hadn't expected to feel as if a spaceship had come and hit her body. Stretching, she yawned loudly, her bones popping. Rey sighed in relief and flopped back down on her bed, her body relaxed and her mind at peace.

"Someone is awake early this morning," she heard a smooth voice say from in front of her. Confused, she looked up to see someone that wasn't C-P30.

She didn't mean for her jaw to drop. She also didn't mean for her eyes to open wide as she stared at the half-naked man in front of her. Furthermore, and this was just for clarification, she wasn't shocked because his body so beautiful that Rey felt like crying out of the unworthiness to stare at it. Oh no.

She was shocked because he was using her favorite, and only, towel.

"That's mine!" she pointed at her towel; however, her aim was a bit lower than it should have been.

"Well if you wanted me that badly, you could have just asked," Ben said, quirking his eyebrow at her brazen declaration. He smiled when her face turned red.

That was probably her favorite color.

"No, I don't mean your man-doodle," he barked a laugh at her reference to his penis. "I mean that towel."

He looked down at it and then back at her, a smile on his face. "I think it looks better on me, don't you?"

"No, I think it looks horrible. And I want you to take it off right now!" She threw her arms up like a toddler having a temper tantrum. She kept her eyes on his chest though.

Was it even real? Could the Forces have created a being with such a perfect body?

She remembered her butt and cursed the skies. It wasn't fair.

"If you say so," he mumbled, making a motion to take it out but she shrieked.

"No! I mean when you put clothes on! Get out of my room right now!" She had her hands on her eyes and felt like a child.

"Your lavender shampoo smells wonderful, by the way," he commented as he walked out of her room. She didn't see, but he winks. "Thanks for sharing." When she finally heard the door close, set let her hand drop.

I wonder if someone could surf on those abs, she mused for a second and then slapped herself before calling C-P30.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! I didn't update yesterday because I was too busy watching the Flash (and now I have to watch Arrow even though my sister already ruined it for me). I'm also currently in the midst of writing a fluffy and humorous Reylo fanfic, but I'm trying to make this one my main priority! This chapter is, for the most part, unedited, so I'll be working on editing the whole story. If you see any huge errors, feel free to tell me!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter :D! Thank you to those who comment, bookmark, follow, kudos and read. It truly means a lot to me, and they all motivate me to write and do more! So thank you once again


	5. Cold Burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, but if I did, I would immediately make Poe and Finn get together.
> 
> MAJOR MAJOR EDITEDNESS GOING ON IN THIS
> 
> WARNING: THERE IS LEMONS. Regardless of how mild some may take it as.
> 
> Note: I'm sorry for being late!

COLD BURNS

KYLO REN couldn't stop thinking about Rey's pajama—or lack thereof.

Every time he closed his eyes, all he would see was her tantalizing body, provocative in its sheer innocence. And every single time, as he would let his ponder on whether her muscles would ripple under his touch, his body would tense, aroused, on the tiny couch she defected him to.

His breath would come out ragged, his skin hot to 'd mentally analyze her face. It was always twisted in anger and annoyance, her blue eyes sparkling. If she was trying to look fierce, she failed miserably. In fact, Rey's expression made him smile—she looked like a cub impersonating a lion with its weak roar and adorable ferocious expression. It was rather laughable.

Then there was her torso, and above it was her slender neck and defined collarbone. Her cravation petal was so hollow, so defined, that Kylo's lip burned to sip them. His raunchy dreams hit him, recalling glorious memories—to the delicious way her skin tasted under his tongue—the way his mouth would move down her neck and suck passionately at the crevice, savoring her secrets until she begged for him to stop—. He was painfully aroused.

And her breasts—they were so petite, and perky. In her thin camisole, Kylo did not need to imagine how supple they were. When she woke up from her dream, he had seen the way her nipples perked, and the reaction had turned him on so much, his mind fought for control against the clouded lust.

He had been so desperate to touch them. All Kylo wanted to do was graze those two mounds, to feel the skin brush against his rough palms. He wanted to know if they would be receptive to his touch as she had been to his voice when she was dreaming.

As he laid on that couch, he could still hear her moan. When he softly called her name to rouse her from her sleep, she elicited the hushed noise. Kylo almost thought he imagined it, but when she made the sound another time, he knew.

Does she want me? he thought, his heart beating loudly. He swallowed as he watched her face move from side to side, a small smile on her lips.

"Good morning Master Kylo!" a voice sudden chirped, pulling the young man away from his thoughts. Kylo's eyes shot open and he made quick to cover himself with the wool blanket, his face red in fear of getting caught from his traitorous thoughts. The cyborg seemed oblivious, and for that fact Kylo was infinitely grateful. "Would you like some breakfast? I can make a wonderful selection! What would you like?"

Slightly dazed, the Dark Lord simply got up from the couch and quickly walked away from Threepio. "Eggs and bacon will be fine," he replied, absentminded. "Where is the bathroom? I would like to take a shower."

"Right through the bedroom. It is the door on the left. There should be a towel already on the rack!" the helpful robot narrated. Kylo nodded and quickly walked towards the bedroom. When he passed her bed, he closed his eyes and almost groaned as he looked at her sprawled body. Her duvet was pushed towards knee, giving him a lovely view of those milky thighs.

It was hard for him to walk comfortably.

Exhaling loudly, he shed his clothes and quickly hopped into the shower. He didn't bother to make it cold. He was too tired of trying to suppress the desire that pooled in his stomach. With a shaky breath, he began to touch himself, his eyes closed as his promiscuous imagination and pent up sexual frustration was permitted to run wild.

o-o-o

They are kissing.

She's making loud noises as his mouth moves down her neck. Her hands are locked in his hair, guiding the movement. He can feel, more than hear, the noises coming from her. He likes the way it vibrates against his tongue.

"Why are you stopping?" she strains, panting. He tilts his head up and looks at her, a small smile forming. Her dark brown hair is disheveled, matted against her face in disarray. Her cheeks flush dark red from the heat of the shower and the desire coiling in her stomach. Her mouth is open slightly, and he is tempted to kiss it. Her blue eyes stare back at him, challenging and begging. She wants this.

He wants this.

He grabs her backside and lift, pushing her against the wall of the shower. She giggles in delight, tilting her head back and closing her eyes as the hot water patters down on her. Her legs wrap themselves around his waist and he loves the feeling of her center against his skin.

His lips ghost over her neck again before moving to her breasts. She jerks her hips against his and an animalistic growl rips out from his chest. He wraps his mouth around her right nipple, sucking the stiff bud before biting down on it gentle. She thrashes into him, and the noises she makes are so passionate—so wild—he feels as if he might come undone right then.

"I want you to touch me," she manages to gasp out as he continues his assault on her breasts. He doesn't respond and instead continues to lick and suck. He feels like a stranded man dying from thirst who then, suddenly. finds sustenance that's so sweet and replenishing, he cannot let it go—he must devour more and more. "Kylo," she whimpers, begging. He likes it when she begs; he wants her to beg more.

Releasing his hold on her, he gently stands her up on her own. He keeps his arm around her, afraid she might fall. Her legs are shaking; he can feel it against his own. He likes that he makes her this way.

Slowly, he lets his mouth travel down the valley of her breasts, his eyes flickering to the hickeys he just gave her. She was his—the mark only enforces the concept in his mind. He smiles against her smooth, white skin. It feels like velvet, and he lets the side of his face rub against it as he moves to her stomach. His hands glide up from her thighs, ghosting over her core, before making its way to her breasts. He cups them, molding them against his palm. He likes the way her nipples press against his callous palm, her body twisting. He lets his thumb swipe against the underside of her breasts. Her hands are on his head which rests against her pelvis.

His tongue dips into her belly button, and she arches back, a sensation rippling inside of her. Her pussy is throbbing and all she can do is push his head against her body, ensuring contact. Her breaths are labored as he nips a path to her pussy. He stops just above where she wants him—he's a breath away and she's trying to move him, but he resists.

"Where do you want me?" he whispered against the sensitive skin. She can't respond, she can only groan, frantic and desperate. He knows where she wants him. He knows that all he has to do is move down a centimeter—maybe even less—and she'll be like putty in his hands. But with his hands still working on her breasts, massaging them, and his mouth pressing light kisses everywhere but where she wanted, he can't respond. He's too busy driving her wild, wanton and uninhibited.

"Just tell me," he repeats. "I want to make you come. I want to make you scream my name. Help me help you." He breathes on her—he's right there. She tries to force his head to make contact, but again, he resists. He kisses her thighs. She's sweating, and he can taste the saltiness blend in with the sweetness of her skin.

"I want you down there," she agonizes, twisting and pulling his hair. Its so long and silky. She loves the texture of it. She loves the way it is rubbing against the side of her thigh as he chuckles and presses his mouth right there.

His tongue is rolling against her bud and she's screaming. His fingers are pushing in and out of her, in rhythm with his licks. He's nose deep and sucking on her swollen nub. She's unstrained. He can't stop her. She's shaking. He grabs her legs. He is bruising her skin. Her noises are becoming louder. He can hear the sounds his tongue makes with her pussy. He groans. She smells wonderful. He sucks even harder.

She's almost there—he's almost there. He tears his mouth away and she's whimpering. He kisses her, and she sucks his tongue, tasting herself. Her arm is wrapped around his shoulder. He's lifting her again. This time she slams against the wall, her ankles locking around his lower back. The cool tile chills her back. He is at her entrance. She wants him to push in, but he's moaning and rubbing himself against her wetness, teasing and testing.

"You're so wet for me," he whispers into her ears. She likes the way his voice sounds. Its gruff and filled with so much longing. "Do you want my cock in you?"

She shivers. She's desperate. He knows how much she loves dirty talk, and he's giving it to her. His hands rub her clit, just enough for a build up, but not enough for a climax. She's frantic now, her head thrashing, banging against the hard surface. It hurts. She doesn't care. Her hands are reaching down. She grasps him.

He can't breathe. He feels like he's going to loose it soon. He knows he's going to lose it soon. Her hands are moving up and down. She whispers in his ears, breathless: "I want to make you feel good."

There he is—he can feel the finish. He rips her hand away. He bites her neck. He pushes himself inside her and he stills, cursing. The words stumble out without thought. All he can feel is her tightness, the sleek flesh milking him. He feels like he's about to come undone. He pushes himself completely inside her and she's scratching his back. She draws blood. He hisses at the pain. He loves it.

He stills when he's completely inside her. He needs to calm down. He tries to count backwards, to think of cats—he's trying anything to keep from finishing soon. He feels she's close.

She doesn't seem to like this though. She is adamant about his finish. Her ankles press against his lower back, just above his ass, and he is forced to move. He loves the friction, and she's crying into his ears, biting his shoulder. She's sobbing now as he begins to move, erratic and uncoordinated. He's thrusting deeply and quickly, pulling himself all the way out before quickly driving himself back in. She screams with every movement. The sound is like a symphony, and he continues to conduct it.

She shouting out incoherent phrases. He hears "Fuck me," "Harder," and "Faster," and he obliges. He wants to satisfy her in any way. He reaches a hand between them, rubbing her in just the right way, and her shouts become breathy and high pitched and he's grunting—he's so close. His hips are drilling in and out, and he's sure he's bruised her but they both don't seem to care and then—

And then, they fall apart.

o-o-o

Kylo Ren was panting. He shivered as the orgasm continued to seize his body, his muscles clenching uncontrollably. There was a prolonged pause where he simply stood there, his arm braced against the wall of the shower and his hand wrapped tightly around himself. When he finally moved, he could barely process what had just happened, and when he finally did, shame stung him. He released his grip and glared, shaking his head in regret at his flaccid penis. A hot fog formed in the restroom, suffocating him. He quickly turned the water to the coldest settings possible. With his head bent forward, his hair a curtain for his face, Kylo closed his eyes, his back facing the water, and thought to himself. The droplets felt like cold burns.

It was not like him to touch himself to completion. Generally, a cold shower was all he needed to control his sexual urges. He was not one for abstinence—proof from his past lovers—but Kylo was well trained in deprivation and suffering due to Snoke's discipline. Yet here he was, panting and leaning against the wall of his shower, as if he were some sort of immature and underdeveloped teenager. His head reeled. This was the first time he had ever consciously orgasmed in such a manner, and to have it with her in mind—he shivered.

The worst part was that, although he did feel disgust, his mind was giddy and overjoyed. It had been so long since his last conscious release, and his attraction with Rey was so real and powerful, it only made the sensation feel better.

He was hesitant, and resentful, to admit it, but Kylo felt something for that scavenger girl. Initially, he assumed it to be of a purely chemical sort—she was beautiful, there was no doubt about that; however, there was always this feeling that weighed in his heart, like a rustic chain. It was easy to perceive the feeling to be loathing; although it was not an altogether wrong theory, there was more to it than dislike.

At first, he simply hated her because she was good. When he gazed upon her presently, he could see the Light Side inside her, and had he harnessed her power earlier on, there would be no question or fear of defeat for the Dark Side. When he first met her, she had so much potential to be his apprentice—there was so much fear, sadness, anger and loneliness in her soul that he could taste it on the tip of his tongue and he savored the glorious sweetness. These emotions were deep rooted and tangible, and that made it all the more powerful.

Perhaps Kylo's desire to use her was what caused his feelings to arise. He could recall going to Snoke and telling him about Rey's powers. He had been amazed, never having witnessed someone resist him so successfully—and not only resist, but then use the Force-his very own weapon-against him to penetrate his mind. And when the Supreme Leader chided about his compassion for her, he almost balked.

Compassion? For the enemy? It hurt him to hear such a thing. To have such an open and frivolous weakness. But now that he thought about it, perhaps he did feel compassion for her. When Kylo had first met Rey, before he even delved into the depths of her mind, he had sensed a feeling of abandonment. Even when she was unconscious, he had felt her mild devastation, and somehow, he understood.

However, he did not mean to extend his comprehension into feelings, and to Snoke, that was what he had done. Feelings were a weakness and somehow the Dark Lord had revealed his, even if it was unbeknown to him.

He was quick to squash them. Although he had wanted so dearly to train her, to mold her into something that was his, he did not allow himself to feel for her. No matter how powerful and beautiful she was, it was all trivial when it came to the end goal. They were too different. He was of darkness, and she was of light.

Kylo let out a big breath of air before stepping out of the shower to quickly dry himself off. It took him a while to style his hair appropriately—he especially wanted to look good in front of Rey. He smiled as a plan turned in his head.

Today would be the second day of his operation, and although he had roughly a year to achieve all his goals—that is to seduce Rey and figure out the location of Skywalker—he was impatient to do so. Looking down at himself, and then at the mirror, Kylo smirked and flexed.

He knew he was a handsome man. All the lady Stormtroopers told him so, and even the random specie here-and-there. When he pretended to be a civilian as he monitored the controlled planets for Snoke, he would always see the stares people gave him, and it only helped serve his inflated ego.

Wrapping the towel around his waist, he looked at the mirror once more to make sure his hair was in a perfectly tousled position before exiting the bathroom. Once he got to her room, he glanced down at her face—adamant about keeping his eyes away from her exposed body—and used the Force to wake her up. It took longer than he had expected, but the results were all the same.

First, she woke up disoriented. Her sleepy eyes blinked slowly and her arms began to outstretch slowly as she regained consciousness. It was adorable, the way she yawned, stretched and then moved back down to nuzzle into her pillow. He almost gave a sincere smile before he cursed himself and smirked.

"Someone is awake early this morning," he drawled. His voice startled her, and he snickered when she shot up from the bed and looked at him. He heard the bones of her back pop loudly—that must have hurt.

Although he was trying his hardest not to be happy about seeing her—which, for the record, he was not happy about—, it was hard to not feel good about himself. Her wide eyes and slacked jaw only served to over-inflate his already humongous ego. He could see her distinctly staring at his waist, and for once, he was glad about Snoke's rigorous physical training.

He was shredded.

"That's mine!" she suddenly exclaimed, breaking the silence. She bore her beautiful blue eyes into his and for a moment, he could hear her moan the way she had in his dream. Swallowing, he looked down at where she was pointing and prayed to God he didn't have a boner.

"Well if you want me that badly, you could have just asked," Kylo murmured, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow. This only made Rey turn red, and she pursed her beautiful red lips together. He could still make out their heart shape and he continued to stare at them, his heart fluttering.

Oh for the love of God Kylo, you have one wanking fantasy about her and now you think you're a poet, he yelled at himself.

"No," she protested, fumbling through her words. "I don't mean you man-doodle," he couldn't help but laugh at her synonym for his dick, "I mean that towel!"

He looked down at himself and then back at her, smirking in glee. "I think it looks better on me, don't you?" His mind flashed with the thought of her wet and in this skimpy towel, and he shifted his feet awkwardly.

This is why you don't masturbate, he scolded himself, you get these funny thoughts and these stupid feelings.

"No, I think it looks horrible!" but he saw the way her eyes lingered around his navel. "And I want you to take it off right now!" Rey threw her arms up, exasperated. All the while, she kept her eyes on his chest.

The sly smile on Kylo's face only grew deeper and he reached for the knot barely holding his towel in place. He was not ashamed of what he had, and he was sure Rey would love to have an eyeful.

Not that I would mind, he thought for a moment, and then mentally slapped himself for the thought.

"If you say so," he finally mumbled, brushing his thumb over the fabric. She screeched.

"No! I mean when you put clothes one!" She cupped her hand over her eyes and shook her head.

Clearing his throat, Kylo made a motion to leave the room. He had tortured her enough, he was sure. But before he left, he couldn't help but comment: "Your lavender shampoo smells wonderful, by the way." He grabbed a lock of his hair and he knew for sure that she was looking at him. Trying his best to put on the sexiest expression he could muster, he took a sniff of the strand. "Thanks for sharing."

o-o-o

Personally, Kylo was not a fan of alcohol.

"Why aren't cha' drinking any?" Poe Dameron sneered at him from across the bar. The young Force wielded didn't bother to look up at the drunkard and instead continued to manipulate the water in the cup in front of him.

Poe was a prime example of why he hated alcohol. Although he did not know the young pilot for a long time-only a week had passed since he had arrived at the Resistance Base-he knew him to be kind, quiet and thoughtful.

However, the Poe Dameron in front of Kylo right now, the one filled with scotch and jell-o shots, was completely different. His black hair, which was always some sort of organized-dishevel, was now a complete mess, with strands sticking in every which way. His tan face was bright red with anger, and eyes bloodshot and glazed. Kylo tried to keep the disgust from his face.

  
Alcohol made people lose their inhibitions, and themselves.

  
"Aye'!" Poe shouted again, getting closer. "I'm talkin' to you, Traitor."

Although the name was supposed to elicit some sort of negative reaction from Kylo, the young apprentice did not let this phase him. He was used to this venomous talk, both from gossip within the Resistance, and also from his home base with Snoke. He simply clenched his jaws and, very calmly, turned around to face the drunkard.

"Is there a problem?" Ren inquired calmly. Poe sneered when he glanced down at the glass of water.

"What the fuck is that?" he pointed at the glass. "Is that water?"

"Yes."

"Wow," he snorted. With a small smile, he mocked Kylo. "Real men don't drink water."

He knew he shouldn't have done it. He knew it was a bad idea the moment he let his fist connect with the mentally obstructed man. But something came over him-like an electric shock. It was an automatic response; he was so used to complimenting his feelings of anger and discomfort with violence. Although Kylo prided himself in restraint-no matter how poorly executed it may be-he could not have stopped himself from knocking Poe Dameron out.

Perhaps it was because he was tired. A week had already passed and he had gotten nowhere with his mission. No one knew where Luke Skywalker was, and he hadn't left a map this time. On top of this, no one on the base trusted him, nor did they want to talk to him. Ever since he was young, Kylo was the odd man out, so not being liked or wanted was not an unusual feeling. Yet, however familiar the feeling may be to him, it did not lessen the unconscious blow to his ego.

Or perhaps he was acting upon his annoyance with his birth-mother. He had known he would have to deal with her doting, but sometimes, it would get to be too much. There was morning tea, and then breakfast (even if he already ate), and then afternoon tea, and lunch (even if he wasn't hungry), and then evening tea, and evening talk time with him and dinner (even if he wasn't supposed to be at that meeting).

And she was always on him. Leia Organa had not touched her son in years, so having him beside her, alive and converted, was a blessing. She would always stroke his face suddenly, and it would take all his power not to immediately shove her off. Especially when she would suddenly press her face against his arm, or rest her head against his chest.

Or perhaps it was because of Rey. Ever since his Rey-Induced-Masturbation, Kylo had tried to force any frivolous thoughts about her out of his mind, but he could not. She was always there, either in her simple mundane clothes, or her Jedi outfits, and regardless of what she wore, he could make out her figure beautifully.

It wasn't that he liked her. He had a mission he needed to accomplish, and she was making it difficult for him.

And even then, within that week, he had made no progress with her. No amount of shameless flirting would draw her in. Any chance she would get, she would run out of the apartment and leave him to go have fun with BB-8, FN-2187 or Poe. And he hated it.

He hated seeing her laugh and smile with them. He hated the way she would place her hand on FN's arm when she talked to him. He hated the way she would look at the Stormtrooper from between her eye lashes and unconsciously run her hand through her hair. And when he asked her to go somewhere, Kylo would be dragged along on their date.

He hated how now, as he knuckles made the perfect contact against Poe's beautifully structured jaws, he could see them dancing and having fun.

Kylo's mind blanked from the moment he hit Poe to the moment the pilot's body hit the ground. He was standing over the man, his hands balled furiously, with a look of sheer and complete anger. His nostrils flared and his long hair stuck to his sweat and heated face.

  
After being compelled to suppress his anger, it felt nice to feel the emotion flow through him. He was liberated but the unadulterated hate that sang in his veins, and he smiled victoriously and closed his eyes, tilting his head back a little to relish in the sensation.

  
"Ben!" Rey shouted when she heard the commotion near the bar. She looked at him with complete horror, and he could see her analyzing the situation. She was thinking of how she would get in trouble for his behavior-she didn't care how he felt. She was selfish.

And yet he couldn't get her off his mind.

"Let's go," he growled furiously. He grabbed her upper arm and dragged her through the crowd of sweaty body and mindless control. She was wiggling against his grip, but he kept his grasp firm. He knew he was bruising her, and he was glad. He wanted her to feel pain.

"Get your hands off me!" she shouted as they made their way outside. He did not. Instead, he dragged her down the street and into an alleyway corner, and pushed her against a stone wall. He stood against the opposite side, his arms cross.

The harsh texture of the bricks felt good against his skin.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Rey screeched, rubbing her muscle. He glanced at the bright red mark he had left and smiled. When he gazed at her, he wondered how easy it would be to just grab her lightsaber and sever her head.

It wouldn't be that hard on an unsuspecting victim.

"Are you deaf?" she growled, getting close to his face. Her eyes were bright and furious. He had never seen them this shade before. He quite liked it.

"I am not," he responded simply. This didn't make her happy.

"What the fuck is your problem Ben? What do you want? Are you determined to make my life hell, because that seems to be all that you want to do!" she threw her hands up in the air, exasperated.

"Don't call me that."

She whipped her head towards him and glared. "What? Call you Ben?" She laughed into the cruel night air, the sounds echoing off the wall and into the skin. "Why shouldn't I? That's your name."

He had no response.

"You know Kylo," she whispered. He looked at her, shocked that she was speaking his name for the first time. "You're a coward."

For the second time that night, Kylo did something unconscious. He did not think about the action, simply the feeling. Although he wanted nothing more in that moment was to kill Rey and Luke Skywalker-to destroy everyone and anyone that doubted him, or belittled him-a feeling came over him.

She was looking at him in the way she looked at FN-2187, but this was different. This was less intimate. This was more harsh, and sad and-

Disappointed.

And he couldn't stand that. He couldn't bare to see her look at him in such a pitiful manner. Nor could he stand the way his heart was beating so furiously against his chest. He could hear it; he could feel it. He felt like he was going to burst.

So, very quickly and very harshly, Kylo shoved Rey into the wall, and he kissed her

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So, I'm back :D? I would like to apologize for being so late. I actually have had like 3000+ words written since chapter four had been posted, but it took me over a month to complete it because of school, birthdays, and major editing. I literally just finished my last exam of this week, and I still have more next week (I'm convinced that college is trying to kill me), but I just had to post this because I've been feeling really bad about not posting for so long.
> 
> Anyways, I want to say thank you to all those who have left me really nice reviews. No one was super rude or pushy and I truly appreciate it!
> 
> I don't know when I'll update next, but I'll try and make it soon (if I don't post within the next two weeks, message me or shout at me because I need to hop to it!).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
